I have a bit of a problem if I may call it that. I have 45 days until boot yay not long! However I am at home with my family. And my parents have not been behing me in this decision. Not a big deal there. Here is the situation though. While I am at home they are all trying to get their last figurative punches in. It is making things really difficult for me and hurts what feelings I do have I think. I say this because I am analytical and do not feel things like a lot of people it seems. However my family knows just what to say, and they like saying these things in front of people that have no need to know such information. And it embarasses us both, myself and the person being told. I tell myself just go with the flow stick it out toughen up and everything else I can think of. But it still annoys, not sure if that is the proper word. I would appreciate any advice on how to get through this last month and a half. Please forgive me for airing my dirty laundry but there is no one in this town that I may speak with about such things. For they act "funny" around my parents and it makes things ten times worse.

Be up front with them and sit them down. Tell them how you feel: Sample script....

"I love you, but no matter what you say, I have made a huge decision in my life and I am going into the Marines. You can choose to continue to NOT support me in this decision, but if you do I will be forced to spend my remaining time elsewhere. I will not be able to continue to stay in a place with such negativity towards me. So, are you with me or against me?"

It doesn't matter that you may not have anywhere to go, it is the threat that counts.

"Keep in mind that if you are against me, then I will be graduating from bootcamp WITHOUT your presense and will request immediate transfer to my next duty station WITHOUT coming home."

It doesn't matter if you CAN get an immediate transfer from bootcamp, again, it is the threat that counts.

The point is you will have told them POINT BLANK how you feel and after 24 hours if the situation hasn't changed, I would be out of there. I think they will change their tune once you are this forceful with them. Remember that the Marine Corps is the biggest family you will ever be associated with and we are always here to help.

I appreciate the advice. I would like to go and do that. However I can not afford to put all my things in storage right now, I will be doing that as soon as I come back from boot.For all my things are boxed up in my room. That is why I am boxing up all my things/or getting rid of what I can part with. Thank you again SgtShaw for the advice.

But then again...sacre blue. See if I "confront" them like I've tried to in the past things get a lot worse. And I'm not sure that I can count on the people in my church to keep their word. I've relied on people in the past and it never turned out that great.

Or do you think that I should get rid of almost everything that I own, including my book collection. And just stick out the time somewhere else or is that foolhardy? I'm sorry but I am unsure as what to do. I'm praying a lot more and perhaps that is why these questions are surfacing. Perhaps I need to prepare for something or not. I'm sorry I am not acustomed to speaking to people about these things. Or really speaking to people at that rate.

I have a couple of questions for you. One is how old are you? I also have a couple of concerns on the way you describe yourself. You say you don't feel things like other people and state that your parents say things about you that makes other people uncomfortable. These things make the social worker/counselor in me concerned. Is there a counselor or a pastor you can discuss these things with? I would hope you can do this before entering bootcamp. The stres of boot is dificult enough on its own without adding the kind of issues that you seem to be dealing with currently. I strongly encourage you to speak with someone as soon as possible. Good Luck.

I am ashamed to say my age because I feel frightened still. I am 22 ,23 in Dec., And yes I know I am much too old to feel scared. There really is not anyone that I may talk to because the ones I have tried to talk to in the past have tried to intervine (sp?) and it makes things ever so worse. I try to talk to my pastor but he is very busy with the problems of the rest of the congregation. I shall try to find some one as you say.

And how would these things I am dealing with affect me in boot? If I survive boot and come home I just put my things then in storage and take a weeks worth of clothes, some books and what not. Then go to my school or whatever else it is. And what about the way I describe myself concerns you? Anyone who is analytical would describe things the same way I think. Perhaps I do not understand you fully. If so I am sorry.

If you sat them down an explained the situation to them, do you actually think they would throw your junk in the street? Seriously? They wouldn't allow THEIR daughter to continue to store her stuff in her room.

I am not advising you to blow your stack or get in their faces. I AM advising you go get this all out into the open and stop letting it fester inside of you. You need to be able to show up at boot intact and ready to play. Not depressed and bewildered about what your family is thinking.

You are a 22 yr old woman who made her choice to join our Corps. Stand by that and stand tall. It makes good practice for your years ahead as a Marine.

I suspect from your writing style that English is not your first language and if this is so that your parents may be immigrants. In many cases parents who have immigrated from nations with vastly different cultures will not react or respond as we who were born in America would expect. Their expectations for their children are quite different from those of American born parents.

To SgtShaw: I thank you for your advice, and wish I could confront my parents. and when I do I do not do it in raised voices for that is very unbecoming in me and serves no purpose but to infuriate father. However when I have done that, a sit down, in the past it has had some very unwanted reactions. They do not remember what they have done/said and then say that I have imagined it all. It then results in anger in certain persons that have a tendancy to phisically manifest the anger. I hope that is not too out in the open way of saying it.

To beakersbanned: English is my first language, I had a British nanny when I was very young and read "older" books. Perhaps that is why my speech seems a bit funny. I am also trying to be very careful with my words, for when I have spoken what was from my heart to my mouth without "due thought" it has had very bad consequences (sp?).

Nobody said you have to yell at them. You do need to sit down and try again for a rational conversation. The minute it starts to get loud or in the anger zone it needs to stop and you need to leave the immediate area. If it is going to get physical than don't take the chance.

You really do need to speak to someone who can help you better than us. We are here for support, but we are not there to help you.

You would probably find more help at a church that you have never been to. It may be time for change considering your entire family probably goes to your current one anyway.

Bide you time and get ready to start your new Marine life.

Then again, what is more important, standing up for yourself to "father" like a 22 year old independent woman should? OR cowtow in the corner and bend to "fathers" wishes. I would find somewhere else to live and leave Mumzy and Father to there own devices. You don't need the stress.

Ok dear now that I know there are not secondary conditions due to customs I do not know or understand I will tell you about my father when I enlisted. I can offer you only the advice that my recruiter gave me.

6 years before I decided to enlist my only brother was killed in Vietnam by one of the Soldiers in his own unit. It was not a friendly fire incident. My brother attempted to disarm that Soldier after the man had shot their 1st Sgt in the head and he was also shot. Both the 1st Sgt and my brother died that night and their was a court martial. The official cause of death listed is Intentional Homocide.

Needless to say my parents were devastated and then when I chose to enlist my father whom I was extremely close to refused to sign the papers as I was under age when I wanted to enlist in the delayed entry program my senior year of high school. What started as discussions soon turned ugly and for the first time in my life my father raised his voice to me and said hurtful things. Afterwards we didn't talk for days. My mother was willing to sign the papers but my recruiter advised me that since I only had one father and life was an uncertain thing to wait awhile and let him come to terms with the situation. My mother agreed and so I waited some months and finally he did resign himself to my decision but we didn't ever discuss it again. When I left for bootcamp he was on a hunting trip but an emergency had brought him home the morning I left. He said goodbye but he didn't hug me and it was painful but I had made my choice. Things changed after I completed boot camp and even more later on. I could see his pride in me and when I came home on leave we spent a great deal of time together. I received a meritorious promotion just two days before his death and I sewed on my new stripes to wear my uniform to his funeral.

I was glad for the advice of a very wise recruiter and that I had not tried to continue the discussion or provoke him. After all if I was an adult then it was my choice and I was the one who was going to have to live with it. Sometimes when you know you can't change the mind of another person even though you know they love you then you just have to do what it is you have to do on your own. Life's funny like that and I found that I met many Marines during my enlistment who did not have as strong of ties to their families and some who were completely estranged from them.

The advice to talk to someone at church or a counselor is very good advice because you do need to deal with how you feel about your family and its issues but perhaps trying to discuss this with your family is not a good thing.

Those of us here on the Internet can only speculate on the situation based on what you tell us and though there is no reason to not believe or trust you we are ill equipped to give you advice or even console you via this medium.

TO SgtShaw: I am sorry for the broken way I wrote. I did not mean to make it sound as if I thought you told me to yell at them. I was merly trying to say that yes I agree yelling is no way to get to the goal. And thank you for your advice.

To beakersbanned: I thank you for your story it helps. And thank you for the courage to speak of what passed. And thank you for saying what was said. If I can trust my church pastor and his wife not to act funny around my parents when I speak to them (the pastor & wife) then I shall speak. But maybe I should remain silent as I only have 39 days, I do believe.
And to the all of you SgtShaw, beakersbanned, and 4MRBAM I thank you for the advice. I did not expect anyone to respond most people just look the other way. So thank you from the bottom of my heart.
Your most humble servant,
Harmony