Usually I am superwoman. Never had a problem with deployments. 90% of my husbands military career has been while our nation has been at war. As always we prepared for Matt to leave. All though I was sad, this was just another deployment and we would manage to get throu it as we always do.

We found out 2 weeks after he had left that I had managed to get pregnant. We were overjoyed we were going to have our second little baby. It was exciting and was gonna make the deployment go by so much faster. 11 weeks later I found out that I had miscarried. Matt and I made our peace with it. We were both sad but we needed to move on because Nither one of us could focus on the baby.

Last week I ended up in the ER hemraging from what is called a Missed Miscarriage. In my usual Superwoman fasion Not only did I find somewhere for Our little girl to go but I drove myself to the hospital while I bled out. Because thats me thats what i do. Because calling 911 would scare my daughter and I didn't want to scare her.

at first the doctors were concerned but not to concern my bleeding seemed to slow. Untill I passed a clot. then everything went down the drain. I would need an Emergency D&C or I was going to die. There I was all alone trying to get as much information as I could get out to the doctors to make sure the right people were called and told that I was in the Hospital. I never once cried never once fell apart. hell I even resited passing out till after I was in in the OR.

The problum is now I am scared. I am scared something else will happen. I am fine during the day but as soon as night comes I am scared to sleep. I plan to see mental health tomorrow. I know this is something that wont go away on its own and I know I need help. I just feel like I don't have the strength to make it throu till r&r. It's only 5 months away. But I just feel like All my strength is gone and I just want to have him home so I can fall apart for once.

I just needed to get this all out. And I hope with some therapy and maybe some sleep meds I'll be able to get back to my old self again.

Oh Jill, I am so sorry you had to go through this. I hope you get the help you need to carry on. My thoughts are with you.

I am so sorry this happened to you. Know that therapy will help, as will getting out your feelings, even if it's here. I hope that it helped, at least a little, to type up what happened to you to people who at least have a little bit of an idea of how you feel. Good luck, and my thoughts are with you.

Jill, I'm so sorry things have been rotten for you. I think going to mental health is a good call. You may even want to find a support group for those who have miscarried.

Hang in there and we're here for ya when you need to vent.


Sgt Mom

You can't be superwoman all the time. It's your time to need a shoulder to cry on, someone to lean on. I am keeping you in my prayers and sending you a big hug.

Jill,I'm sorry tis happened to you.
You are stronger than you think and looking for help shows it.
I hope tha can help you to go fornward.

Believe it or not its not the miscarrage that is the problem. I feel better knowing the baby is in heaven rather then suffering here on earth since there was obousely something wrong with the baby.

Its the idea that I almost died that Is messing me up. My husband compared it to like when he gets attacked. Afterwards your just shell shocked for a while. Your just uneasy and on edge. Which is about how I feel right now. during the day I don't think about it. its at night when I begin to worry. Hopfully the doc can help me teach me some ways to deal with the trama of it all.

((((HUGS))))) You have had a really rough time. Just try to hang in there.