I was a military girlfriend up until Sept8th. I met this amazing man early in March of this year and he told me from day one he was to deploy in July or Aug. He also told me that he had 3 daughters, two which he doesnt see and one who is his life. So from March on we spent so much time together doing different things and going different places. Watching him balance his career, daughter and girlfriend I noticed how loving and caring he truely was. All that time I spent falling in love with him and we became insepretable and just had so much love and so much to think about for our future together. I flew him to Vegas in June to visit his parents before he left on deployment and just fell even more in love with him. We found out late June that he had to deploy July 16 to Ft.Bliss then go over to Iraq Aug.3. His deployment is only 6 months long. We were doing good while he was in Texas but as soon as he got over to Iraq I noticed he was becomming more and more distant. I knew something like that would happen but I continued to send him care packages, emails, and cards. Come Sept8th he broke up the relationship and is now sleeping with the only woman that went over there with him in his unit. I feel that I should still fight to be with him but at the same time I dont know if Im wasting my time?? I need some sort of help to just know that whatever I chose is the right decision. I dont know what to do or even how to feel at this point. I gave that man my everything and he has just thrown it away like I was nothing to begin with. Please someone help me to understand this all. Can someone really change in less than a month??
Short answer to your question is yes, someone really can change in that short amount of time. Especially in a high stress environment.
Personally, I wouldn't pursue this man anymore. If he's comfortable enough with ending what seemed to be a really good thing just so he can give into the temptation over there, then he'd (probably) be willing to do it over and over again. Ask yourself this-- do you really want to deal with that rollercoaster of a relationship? More importantly, do you think you deserve to be toyed around with like that? At the same time, anytime he goes out or leaves for a period of time without you, are you going to fully trust him? No relationship, military or otherwise, can survive without trust.
In the end, the decision to leave someone, or stay, is always yours; all I can do is offer my two cents.
Yes, it is possible to change when deployed. Does it happen to everyone, no.
I agree with all that Love said.
Only you can decide if you can trust him again and if it is worth it to try and save this relationship.
That being said - it will take both of you to save it. You cannot save it on your own.
It will also take time for him to win back your trust if you both choose to save the relationship.
Mom
Everything becomes a little clearer, I realize what life is all about. It's hangin' on when your heart has had enough, It's giving more when you feel like giving up. ~ In My Daughter's Eyes, Martina McBride
Girl I understand where your coming from. A few years ago I dated a man who I thought was great, long story short he met a girl on myspace and used my car to see her more then once when he came back after airborne school. I can laugh about it now but at the time I was completly heart broken. He changed to what seemed to be over night; but like the others said you need to decide if you are worth more then how he just treated you. I was watching Oprah last night and she said "when a person shows you who they, believe them."
Can it really be that he can go from loving me so incredibly much to sleeping with another Airman over there in less than a month? Having her move in with him? Meet his daugther and his family? And plan on spending the rest of their lives together? Or is he just confused and she was the only woman there so he ran into her arms? Because I wasnt actually there to support him he chose to sleep and be with someone else? I dont know what to do. I gave that Airman everything I had in me and I cant for a second believe that he could give that all up in less than a month?? Please someone help me to understand all this deployment stuff?? Am I crazy to hold on to hope??
lets put it this way: if he really cared enough to keep the relationship going.. no he would NOT have jumped into the first set of bodacious Ta tas he came across, deployed or otherwise.
whiel deployments are hard on them, and they do make for incredibly strressful situations, if he was vested in the relationship he would not have cheated.
Originally posted by sheck56: Can it really be that he can go from loving me so incredibly much to sleeping with another Airman over there in less than a month? Having her move in with him?
Are you saying they moved in together over in Iraq?
Yes he can that fast. The man I dated met the girl like i said and the got married six months later and even had a baby. What made it even worse was that we would still text me every now and then saying "he missed me." He walked away from all you had to offer even though no one could have given him more then you. If he is living with her, then that should make things that much easier for you If he wanted to be with you he would.
Dekeoboe- I dont think they are allowed to even be sleeping with each other over there in Iraq its against the military code of standards or what not. I guess the only way for them to bed together would be to be married and they are not. So no they havent moved intogehter that I know of over in Iraq. But in less that 6 weeks they have decided when they come home they are moving in together, apparently from what I heard from his ex wife is that they already have a house set up that they are trying to get and all this other stuff. Thats my thing is how in less that 6 weeks you know this girl is your one that you want to spend the rest of your life with?? Is it just the stress of deployment I mean can that really happen? Its hard for me to really see that he has moved on because the love we had for each other was amazing! Before he left he took me by the church we were going to get married in, how many kids we were going to have, in moved into my house with my family and I because he had no where else to go. He gave me a key to his storage unit for everything. Im just beyond hurt! I sent him so many things overseas to remind him of me and he wont send them back wont respond to an email. I was cleaning up my room and found a bunch of stuff thats his including dog tags which I have no idea what to do with because if its over I dont want any thought of him even in my head. I truely want to forget he was ever in exsistance in my life. This is the worst pain that I have ever felt!!
Here's an idea....leave the guy alone! It's clear he wants nothing to do with you! Get a grip on reality and move on! Have you even read the things you are typing here? At this point if he is showing you in everyway possible (which he is) that he doesnt want anything to do with you, than move on and leave the guy alone! You are sounding like a nut here!
K9 take a chill here. The Spouse House is not like P/CP and other areas of the forums. Knock it off.
St Mom
Everything becomes a little clearer, I realize what life is all about. It's hangin' on when your heart has had enough, It's giving more when you feel like giving up. ~ In My Daughter's Eyes, Martina McBride
sgtmom, k9guysarge is the Airman I was referring to the one that I love still to this day but as you can see he keeps pushing and for why?? Really Im lost on what to do! One day he will say one thing the next he is hostle and just not nice. But I still care and I really dont know what to do!
Then I suggest the two of you take this to email or offline and not air your dirty laundry on here. This will get closed if needed.
Mom
Everything becomes a little clearer, I realize what life is all about. It's hangin' on when your heart has had enough, It's giving more when you feel like giving up. ~ In My Daughter's Eyes, Martina McBride
Im not trying to spread anything. Im just trying to understand it all. I feel as if I did something wrong and I cant seem to let go! I keep second guessing myself and thinking about everything to the point where I make myself sick! I just needed a place to go to see if others have experianced anything like this and how if its over to move on from someone you had so much faith in and love for? Im desperate here because I feel Im at a breaking point that if I cant move on and know I did everything I could Im never going to be able to get over it all and trust another man. I needed help. Im sorry if tis offended anyone!
This is something that can happen at any time in any relationship. Sometimes you can think that you have met Mr/Miss Right but then someone else comes along with out any warning or cause or anything else and blows you right out of the water. It is the way that you feel, you act, and everything else that will cause you to hurt the other person. They don't know what to do they just drop you like a hot potato without any reason what so ever.
What you have to do is realize that no matter what you do or say he has moved on. He has found someone else. It is going to feel like you were stabbed in the back and hung out to dry. It happens and you feel like crap, that men/women are dogs and that it will never happen again. But it can. It just means that this person wasn't for you. So you have to make a decision about your life. Either move on as hard as it is going to be and forget it. Or keep wallowing and feel like crap for the next year or two. Missing out on great opportunities to find the true Mr Right that is out there somewhere.
Okay so technicially you were only physically together for about 4 months before he left in July and then he broke up with you in Sept. I think you should consider yourself lucky that you only had that short amount of time invested into this relationship and you aren't pregnant. I say that considering his track record of being fairly young (what I gathered from his previous postings)and having fathered 3 kids by at least 2 women he doesn't give off the impression of someone that truly commits to any woman. Besides, you really don't have anyway of knowing if he hooked up with this other airman in Iraq or back in July.
Plus it's been at least a month since you said he called it off and you really need to stop wasting your time looking for some magic answers that aren't going to come. Stick the keys to his storage unit into an enevlope and say goodbye and be done with him. To do anything else is just wasting your time and by wasting your time you are missing out on living your life and possibly meeting the guy that is the one for you. I also wouldn't base any trust issues on this experience because that would be giving him way too much credit.
So start living your life and start giving other decent guys a chance.
I agree with the others, although it will be hard to move on, do it. Give someone who will care about you a chance. Not all guys are like this. You said something about how he was lonely and in a stressful situation and because you weren't there is that why he chose to run into another woman's arms. If he really cared, he wouldn't do that and there are guys that will not do that to you. Many of the girls here including myself have had our spouses gone for periods of time and they have not cheated because they were stressed or they were lonely. You would not cheat because you are lonely. Just know that no matter what you did, it sounds to me like he would do it whether he was other there or back home. Find someone who will treat you with respect and that will not cheat on you. I know it is hard, but move on from this guy, you don't need that in your life and you don't need to make yourself sick over it. Even if he did say sorry and want to work it out, every minute he is gone you are going to worry if he is with someone else, is it worth it? Take care of yourself. You will be happy in the long run that you turned your back on this guy to pursue real happiness.
uhh NO it is not in violation of OPSEC or COMSEC as no particulars have been made public. However I agree that it does serve no useful purpose any longer and can be locked.
Just remember, K9.. YOU were the one who came on here and admitted to being the servicemember in question and aired your dirty laundry for all and sundry to see. Just because you aren't being painted as a Saint does NOT MEAN that any TOS violations have occurred.
