Hey everyone...just a rough nite last nite!!! My hunnie is becoming so depressed over there and I hate it cuz i know that there is nothin in this world i can do! He just hates it so much over there right now!! He was at one place and just got moved to his new place a couple of weeks ago and for how much he said he didn't care for the old place, this new place makes him 'go crazy' as he says. I dont know if he's just bored, he's the type that he's gotta be doing stuff all the time...and now instead of working 12-16 hr shifts like at the other place, he is now only working 8's.

So idk if it's the boredom thing but he is just miserable! he always tells me how much he loves me and misses me but lately he tells me like every other word and i can just hear the sadness in his voice. Then he'll start getting really down and he'll start saying stupid stuff likes he's scared i wont wait for him til the end (i've been waiting 2 years for him!!! of course i'm gonna wait for him and he knows that!) I think this deployment is starting to rub on him!

He was supposed to be home in march and 2 weeks b4 he was supposed to leave for home they told him it was canceled...we were both very upset...but we bounced back. Come march, they told him in the first week of April he'd be home, well actually it'd be in like 8 days...and then just a few weeks ago...they canceled it! They are ruining his morale. He is just so afraid that they are gonna do it to him again! He is already this depressed and im so worried it's just gonna make it so much worse!!

He said talking to me is the best thing for him right now and i just listen. and Everything i talk bout is upbeat and we spend a lot of time talking bout when he's home for R&&R cuz that is what seems to make him the happiest!! But im' just so worried bout him...he is usually very level headed but i know the stress he is dealing w/ right now is at a level that i will never understand! But my heart is just worried sick for him....I told him to go and see if he can request to come home in may...he's been in Iraq for 10 months now and still hasnt' got to come home where everyone else in his unit has...and people from his new unit have gotten to go home after only 4 months...

The military is ruining his morale!! Any tips, suggestions, i've been doing all i can...I'm worried!!!

(sorry it's so long, i just had to get it out!!)

Keep supporting him. Sends tons of emails, cards, goody boxes, etc. Listen when he needs to vent and just be there for him.

I know it doesn't sound like much, but that's about all we can do in these situations.


Sgt Mom

I know i do that all for him right now...it just breaks my heart to know he is going thru such a ruff time!! but yeah it's just scary...i dont want him to sstart having problems..he's been so good on keeping his head held high, talking when he needs to and just keepin it going ...i've jus never seen him so low in a loooooong time!

I am sorry for what you are going through now and It is really terrible for him hoping to be with you soon but he can't do anything but just to wait till he can be home. I believe your continuously love and support to him will definitely strengthen him no matter how hard he is experiencing in there. Added to that, you cn pray both while u are talking over the phone it really helps a lot to relieve ur stresses.

Time to bring out the silly stuff that helps them keep their minds off the boredom.

My dh would sometimes let things get to him on deployment--different type of deployments, to be sure, but the lonliness/depressing is similar.

He started journaling. He doesn't much like to write, but he likes to draw. When the kids were little, he'd write them letters- actually pages to an ongoing story, illustrated an all. It helped him have something to occupy his mind and was a stress reducer.

Perhaps you two can write an ongoing story about a vacation you'll take upon his return, or about a home you want to own, or about anything, really. Sillier the better sometimes.

Is he getting an opportunity to exercise? Is he eating properly? That can help with mood, as well.

Also, you may try a little of the 'leading questions' to see if you can help him brainstorm things that would make him feel better. Help him figure out if there are triggers--is he lonely around negative Nellies? Does he need to hang with more upbeat people. Does the sun rise make him homesick- can he spend some time thinking about things from home that make him smile when that happens?

I don't know how helpful these things are or how applicable, but I have seen them work for a friend who had difficulty finding peace and contentment in her life.

Good luck!

My husband felt that way when they got the 15 months orders when they were getting ready to come home.

Silly stuff can make them feel better.

Oh thank you everyone...he is doing better...it's like a rollercoaster...he has his ups and downs as does everyone. Like I said it was just more alarming because he never usually gets this down.

But it just made me feel so proud because I made him this movie of all kinds of pix and videos from us and i sent it to him....it finally made it to him! lol! i've been trying for like 2 weeks to send it to him but everytime it would get like 3/4 the way done, his internet would kick out like it likes to do over there! UGH! lol! and I just knew it would make him smile...well I stayed up til 530 this morning to get it to work to get thru to him (mind you i had to get up at 630!!! lol! the things we do for our men! ) But it made its way to him, he watched it and he absolutely LOVED it!

I got home today and I found that he sent me one...another one..he did like a couple of weeks ago of pix of me and his nieces...cuz we're his 'girlies'...and omg...he was acting so silly and i think he just needs some more ways to let his stress out! he is usually a very goofy and silly guy and i think it's having to be pent up so much over there and being all serious and that's just not my ANdy! so yeah he is doing better...i hope it stays that way...

I just really hope that they dont' completely crush his remaining morale by tleling him to come home and then take it away again! that would be horrible! so i'm trying some of the things you said and yes..we are usually sillly...and the silly stuff is working!

It's good to see that genuine smile back on his face on the webcams!! I missed it!!!

So Andy and I had a really long time to talk last nite! We talked from about midnight to 6 this morning!! It was a wonderful time to get to talk to him for that long!! Its' funny cuz ppl will always ask me what we have to talk about that can last 6 hrs...LOL! if you give Andy and I a phone, a computer or put us in the same room togheter, we could spend months talking before running out of things to talk about or laugh about and have fun with! ITs wonderful!

Well towards the end of our convo. we got on the subject of him coming home for R&R and i told him that iv'e heard a lot of ppl are having a hard time adjusting back after being in Iraq. Now Andy even admitted that he is afraid that this deployment will have him be partially messed up for life cuz of the things he's had to do over there. It scares me because I dont' know what all has happened to him over there so i told him if he is ever ready to talk about it I'll be there to listen...not judge or anything, just listen. And he goes to me "Baby I dont know if i ever want to talk bout what happened over here." and I told him i wanna know and he told me that " I dont wanna hear what he did....what he HAD to do."

and I told him that i do want to know...I'm curious because half the time what he's doing over there must be kept top secret and I can't know until the future. ANd he said to me that "he doesn't think he'll ever want to tell anyone what is actually going on over there and what he's had to do for the mission. If I am ready I will talk but I want to make sure that I am ready when I say what I've had to do and experience over here."

That down right scares me. I want to know though, so I can understand where he is coming from and I told him that I respect that he needs to be ready and that I will wait for that time. But I guess I never reallly thought he was doing stuff that bad over there. He has always said that what he does is nothing major but I"m guessing it has to do with his old job that he doenst' do anymore. Have any of you experienced this with ur loved ones too?

Andy never blows anything out of proportion and to think that he is this distraut over what happened, i know it's something major...and I just hope that he'll be ok. I told him to look into the free counseling they get but he tells me that he doenst' think the counseling will help him...cuz he can never forget what he's had to experience...
I just need some input on this...It scares me to death to think of the things he's had to do for this mission. I mean he was tearing up when telling me that he doens't know if he can ever talk about it. Please I need some info. from some people that may have experienced this before or anyone that has some input!!
THank you all!

I'm right there with you, Andy.

My DH is "miserable, and there's nothing I can do about it" either. I talked to him last night and he sounded so down. He doesn't cry, but he is very distant and grumpy, and complains a BUTT LOAD! I feel so sorry for him, but there's nothing I can do!

I just tell him I love him, and I listen to what he has to say. I send him the most positive, uplifting emails I can, and tons of them.

I will be thinking and praying for both of you that his R&R date is given and finally honored!

Thank you AFSWeetheart! I really appreciate it! Yeah i just feel so bad for him and yeah i do the same...I tell him I love him a million times and no matter how much i feel like i wanna cry about his situation, i just always put on a huge smile for him and tell him he is my hero!!! it helps him out but i jhave this feeling that he had to do sumthing really awful over there and i feel lik eit's getting to him now! so yeah hopeuflly they will send him home to boost his morale again! But he should be getting a huge box FULL of beef jerky, his Fave thing in the whole world besides for me! lol! so that'll do it too! its amazing how the rite food can uplift my hunnie! lol! but thank you AFSweetheart! it's much appreciated!!!

Hi. I am just reading this thread, but I felt compelled to respond. I am new to deployment,but I sympathize with your feelings. When my boyfriend got deployed I had no idea what to expect from him being a seasoned lifer in the Air Force. I was always wondering how he was feeling and how he was handling everything over their in theater. Lately he has been on that emotional roller coaster, and only recently opened up to me and admitted it. That he has good days and bad days. Men hold their feelings in by nature. I encourage him to talk to me and always remind him that I am here for him, support him and will listen when he wants to talk. When I first heard a hint of sadness or depression in him I did not know what to do. I was at a loss for what to say, so I increased the e-mails with funny things to bring his spirits up. The hardest thing is knowing that they want them home just as much as they want to be home with us. I too get more of the "I love you's" and affectionate stuff. He has been pouring it on and that was something new to me. That he was so "sugary" :+) I know he loves me, but this was different. I guess absence really does make the heart grow fonder.

Those times when he needs you, just be there for him with whatever you can do. I send a card a week, e-mail daily and send care packages often to make it better for him. Just keep the lines of communication open for him , because all he really needs is you. :+)

A word of caution on pushing him to tell you things---there are things that he is NEVER going to talk to you about. You will never fully know what he's done or seen or what he's had done to him....and you're going to have to be okay with that, let it go.
It's been 3 years this coming month, and I still don't know what all Bobby's done. I've always gotten the general overview, but not a ton of details. And as long as he has all his digits, his head and heart intact--that's all I need to know.
You can encourage him to talk to you, be there to just hold his hand....but in the end, if he doesn't want to talk about it--he won't. And you're going to have to be okay with not knowing everything. It just kinda comes with the territory. He will more than likely be more ready to talk to one of his buddies about it because they can identify wholly and completely....we had a thread on this once, I'm not sure where it went to though....but you'll have to be prepared to deal with that.
Just a thought to add in on the post that was made......

Thanx for the wise words BAW! I know that there is some stuff that i will never know about...I'd rather know..but i'm ok wiht not knowing if that is what he is comfortable with!

I know it will be so much easier for him to relate to his comrads on it because war is a life experience that can only be symypathized with by other service members! I will be there to hold his hand...be a shoulder to rest his head on when he's had a hard day, listen when he wants to talk and I'm never going to pry. I know this war is a big part of his life that will be with him forever and if i can never know all that happened, then so be it!

I love him and he knows how much i love and support him and like you said BAW, i'm just glad that he's ok...I just dont want him to have major depression issues like i've seen some come back with..but i'm not a pushy person and i'd never try to pry....he knows i'm here if he wants to talk...THANX everyone!!

Hi Andy..I felt I needed to respond to this. I am a female Navy sailor who returned from Iraq this past August. I, like your husband had to constantly stay busy over there in order to keep my mind off of missing home. I had a husband who was home with three kids. Needless to say, he had it rough too. I know you would like your hubby to open up about what goes on over there, and the things that he experienced. Just be patient with him. When he returns, he'll be having a million thoughts and emotions going through his head. When I came back, as happy as I was to see my husband and kids, I terribly missed my comrades I had served with. I missed Iraq actually, and wanted to go back. My husband thought I was crazy and couldn't understand why I would rather be back over there and not at home with him. In time, I had learned to let go. This was my first deployment, and I'm sure it won't be my last. And, next time, I'm sure I'll react differently. When he's ready to talk about what he saw and did, he will. Just let him know you'll be there when he's ready. I hope this helps in some way. Oh, and always remember--PRAY!! That helps in so many ways!!!

Thanks mortarmom for the warm welcome. It's much appreciated!!

Thanx again guys...u know i wrote this thread like way back in April and it's funny that it was just brought up again...cuz he was having one of those days again. It just started out that i was talking bout gas prices but then it turned into a whole politics talk and he was talking to me like i wasn't supprting him and the troops who are fighting over there. sumone must have started sumthing...like said sumthing to get him fired up and he jumped on me bout it. I didnt' say ne thing other than the fact that gas prices were climbing like crazy. That's it. and then it got outta hand. IDK how...but he was grumpy and short w/ me from the beginning so i know that it was a bad day for him as soon as i started talking to him.

But it just makes my heart hurt. cuz like he'll log off the computer to Cool off...but i had to go to work and so i didnt' catch him . ANd he sent me a really depressed text from his computer and it just breaks my heart when things are like this. Cuz i dont handle stuff like this well. i know there always has to be bad days with the good, but like sometimes its just hard, because i can't even say encouraging words w/o him shooting them down. that's jus how he gets when he's depressed.

SO thank you all for bringing this back up...and it must have been coincidence cuz i sure as heck needed it today. It's jus been an emotional rollercoaster since he went back after R&R. I almost think these 5 total months of him having to be back after R&R are going to be the hardest...it just feels taht way. just very stressful! thank you all for being there for me. I'm still waiting to hear back from him, he's sleeping rite now cuz he'll need to go into work in about 2 hrs. but i just need to hear from him to know everythings ok.

Hey everyone,

well I'm in the same situation right now. We just got married on R&R a month ago and now my hubby is back in the sandbox. He used to be so strong and postive but since he got back to Iraq he has been down and unmotivated. It pains me to see him like that. I try to do whatever I can but I feel helpless. He has problems sleeping at night and tells me about how he wants to come home so bad. His job isn't one of the dangerous ones but it's very stressful and he seems to be completely worn out. I just want to see a smile on his face again

i know how long this depressed phase is! Andy and i went thru that same situation when he went back over after R&R and he was miserable!!! It'll get better but to me once they've had that taste of home all they can look forward to is their tour being over and getting to return home. ANdy has been more stressed out latley and he jus wants to be back already!

BUt jus keep staying positive cuz u r the most important thing to him and right now is one of those times that he really really needs you most! so be patient and supportive and positive! even if u hafta turn away from the webcam to wipe the tears. it's ok..and it does get better after a while of being back! u'll get into the swing of the deployment deal again. It didn't take u only month to get used to the deployment and it wont take u that short of time again now that he is back!! good luck hunnie!

I just wish there was anything I could do besides sending emails, letters, packages and trying to stay positive. I have never seen my husband like that and it drives me crazy that I cannot be there with him
He works some insane hours, 7 days a week and has a lot of responsibility but last night he said he felt like he was not doin anything cause he got a desk job and doesn't go on convoys or patrols like he did during his last tour.

We are going through the same thing right now. Haven't had R&R yet, but sometimes the guy is just soooooo unhappy. Those moments are so hard. What do you do from the other side of the world? I try to send him love and say nice things. Sometimes it gets hard though, he can get a bit mean. I hope things get better for you guys soon!