Hello all. I'm new here and in fact, this is my first deployment with my BF. He has been deployed to Iraq for 8 months. He's home on leave for a week and will be going back for a few more months. I'm so incredibly confused and not sure what to do, other than going to get counseling next week after he leaves. I've read all of the FRG warnings and suggestions and I'm sure all of this is normal but I'm about to scream. All of the little things about him that were so endearing to me before are seriously ticking me off now. EVERYTHING! Yes, we talk and communicate and are aware that this is just a bump in the road. Him coming and disrupting my routine, etc. I just really need to hear from others who have been through this and any stories, insight, anything at all!!! would be so very appreciated. Thanks so much.

Moving to MOB and Deploymnet at noon EST.

If you are going to make it as a military couple the two of you will have to find ways to reintegrate when he comes home from deployments.

You do get into your own routine while he is gone, but you have to find room for him when he comes home as well.

When it is a brief time to be home, such as R&R, it is more difficult. You know they are only there for a week or two and gone again. So, you don't really want to change your routine while they are home only to change again when they leave once again.

You aren't the only one - he has to adjust his schedule as well. He's been working almost 24/7 while deployed and then comes home to actually have time off.

For some couples it can take a couple of months or more to reintegrate. Some just fall right back into place the minute they service member gets home.

The more deployments you do, the easier it gets because you know what is coming and can plan for it.

Counseling would be good for you and maybe even some joint counseling when he comes home.


Hang in there.

txmomma3, hang in there it will take time for you guys to readjust to the change that coming back from a deployment brings.if you feel need counseling make sure you seek it.

sgtmom , you're words are so encouraging all the time I want to thank you for being so supportive to all of us, I remember when I first joined this site you made me feel like I wasnt going through this by myself with your words. i have to say when my dh came home on R&R everything felt so normal it was like he never left. we fell right back in place like he's never been gone.

For when he comes back at the end of the deployment, I suggest to take it easy and with a grain of salt.

The first deployment my husband went on after we had kids (we were at a base for 3 yrs that did not deploy because of its location) was an adjustment for me b/c of the increased family and homeowner responsibilities (the last time he had deployed I was pg and we rented our apt). When he got back I had been feeling pretty good about keeping it all together, including a major repair to a pipe under our slab that started leaking, learning how to use a lawn mower for the first time ever, and getting almost all of the boxes unpacked from the pcs we had made right before he deployed. He made little comments here and there about things he would have done differently or why aren't all of the boxes unpacked, etc... It hurt my feelings, and I am sure he was not trying to, he was just trying to get used to his new home (he hardly lived there before he left).

Another thing was what I missed was not what he missed. I missed being able to take the yoke of responsibility for the kids off of my shoulders even for a brief shower or a nap if I were sick. So that is an area where I think it is beneficial for each of you to be able to communicate what it is you missed and give that to each other, though they may be very different things.

It took a little bit of time and give and take to get back into our shared roles of responsibility and collaboration (while its hard to do it all yourself, its also easier in a way to do things the way you want without consulting the other and compromising).

So my advice will be to try not to take things very personally and give each other some room from time to time during the first week or two back.

Your service member is home!
You’ve wondered, worried, felt sad, proud, and lonely. You may have had sleepless nights because you were afraid for your loved one’s safety in the war zone. But now you can breathe a sigh of relief! You and your service member have served our country well, and can enjoy spending time together again.

Reunions Can Be Happy and Stressful
Although reunion is a happy time, it can also bring considerable stress — stress you may not expect. You and your service member have had different experiences during the deployment period, and you all have changed as a result. For example, you’ve all had to learn new skills as you took on additional responsibilities. It can take time to rebuild intimacy, and you may need to re-examine common goals. Even if your service member has been called up before, you may find that new challenges will arise with each reunion. In order to make the home - coming event as happy as possible, it helps to know what kinds of challenges you might face and if your expectations are realistic.

This Guide Discusses:
What are common reactions to war?
What common issues do families of returning service members experience?
How can you prepare for this reunion?
How can you positively cope with the transition?
What are warning signs that your service member might need some outside help?
What are treatment options for PTSD and other mental health problems?
Where can you and your service member go for help?

You are not alone. Many families wrestle with reintegration issues. The purpose of this guide is to help you work through some problems you might encounter.

The above comes from an excellent guide that offers great tips, support, links to resources and lots of other good information. It's available at:
http://www.ptsd.va.gov/public/...-pdf/FamilyGuide.pdf

There's also another guide for service members at:
http://www.ptsd.va.gov/public/...uide-pdf/SMGuide.pdf

Currently the guides are only online though they are formatted for easy printing. Hopefully they will soon be on paper and distributed to everyone who comes back from deployment. Even a one page flyer with links to the guides would be helpful to publicize that the guides are available. Please repost the links if you participate in other forums and do whatever you can to help get this info out to others.