My guy is going to Afghanistan in a few weeks and for the last few hours I have been stuck here, reading stories, trying to figure out how to handle the situation in a best possible way.
I am terrified. Very. My major concern, after him being hurt, of course, is that our relationship is still very very young and he might doubt. Doubt that I am going to wait, doubt that I am being faithful. I know a guy who broke up with his girlfriend right before he went to Iraq though he still loved her, I have read several similar stories here - about guys mistrusting their girlfriends and even wifes to wait faithfully, getting influenced by their buddies etc.
I have to say that I am 100% sure that I am strong enough to wait and that he is worth waiting. However I would like to have some advice how to handle the situation. How to help him gain trust, how to make him feel confident about me waiting, how to prepare for being apart. We live in different places and will see each other for one or two weekends in a month, before he will be gone. Is there anything i can do during that time?
Thank you very much for the kind words, feels really good to "talk" to someone who can relate and has experience - most of my friends can't.
You're right - we have this long distance thing and maybe it's easier to be starting out at this point. I guess, it has it's advantages. However, I feel that we haven't been together long enough to develop trust. I should mention that he's been left by his ex some months into his first tour to A'Stan and that he's showing signs of PTSD (pretty sure it's not diagnosed though). Of course this doesn't make things easier. He told me several times, that he doesn't trust me, but it's getting less, as are the periods when I just can't get through to him. He's opening the door more and more and it makes me unbelievably happy. But we are running out of time.
We have been talking for about 4 months and before we actually met, neither of us was thinking of a relationship. As for me, I had warm feelings for him right from the start, but I only ever thought of him as a friend. It changed as we met and the feelings merged quickly. Don't get me wrong, I am not a teenager, I have had serious relationships before and I do not rush into relationships based on a little crush. I don't know where I got the confidence that this is right, it is just there and it is strong.
I hope all this facts make clearer, why i am so concerned to be well "prepared".
It's never fair to be the one to repair what someone else has destroyed, but what can you, right? But I guess that's what everyone getting into a new relationship after a certain age has to face.
Yeah, I do care about him very much. He's been trying to push me away, because he thought (or still thinks?) that "this kind of things never work out in the military". And I'm getting sick of comments like "you'll find someone else in a few months", but they became less frequent since we "officially" stated that we are in a relationship. I am just scared that we'll get back there once he is deployed.
what you have to di is trust, if you go into anything thinking even in the vback of your find that he will cheat or you will cheat or that you will both htinking that then your screwed from the get-go.
you need to have faith, and if he chooses to doubt your faith and loyalty without meaning to sound like a dog but you know what i mean... then its not going to work.
and you said your relationship is very very young, can i ask how young? sometimes deployments are an easy escape route, if hes trying to push you away, and doesn't trust you then maybe you need to sit down and discuss how vested you BOTH are in the relationship, and no its not find another man, it more of a find out does he want it as much as you seem to because its not always the case.
yes he got hurt by his ex and is worried but if he doesnt trust you then the respect on his end isnt going to be the same.
i honestly suggest when you have a moment sit down and ask him about your relationship and his feelings on it and whether he wants it to work, before you even mention that you can and are prepared to wait, because otherwise he might feel pressured into making you happy even if his heart isnt in it 100%
and its not to be harsh, but reality that if hes doesnt trust you you need to find out where you stand before putting yourself through months of a deployment and the subsiquent emotional stress.
bets of luck to you both though and hope you both reach the level you want to be at
Thank you for the answer, and I absolutely agree with you, that we BOTH have to be into this, not just me; and we BOTH have to believe in "us", not just me. And without any doubts - I don't want to push him into a serious relationship, neither do I want to be put on hold for 12 months just to realize that he's "just not that into me" upon his return.
Thing is that he never talks about his feelings just like that. He is younger than me, has less experience in "relationships" and not entirely stable and is clearly terrified of being emotionally exposed and then betrayed. We are getting better in communicating, but that's not highway. I realize that we NEED to talk about us (we'll see each other in some weeks) but I am not really sure how much "pressure" I can put on him two weeks before deployment.
Originally posted by HisBabe: Thank you for the answer, and I absolutely agree with you, that we BOTH have to be into this, not just me; and we BOTH have to believe in "us", not just me. And without any doubts - I don't want to push him into a serious relationship, neither do I want to be put on hold for 12 months just to realize that he's "just not that into me" upon his return.
Thing is that he never talks about his feelings just like that. He is younger than me, has less experience in "relationships" and not entirely stable and is clearly terrified of being emotionally exposed and then betrayed. We are getting better in communicating, but that's not highway. I realize that we NEED to talk about us (we'll see each other in some weeks) but I am not really sure how much "pressure" I can put on him two weeks before deployment.
sitting down and discussing your realtionship NEEDS to be done NOW, if you leave it till down range you dont get a real conversation. and yep i know about guys not wanting to share their feelings but you have to tell him you have to do this in order to establish where your at, if hes unwilling to talk about it now matter how long that takes i personally would take it as a sign
It's not that he's unwilling to talk, it's more the way he does it and the lack of time to spend together. Judging his actions, however, I think we're on a similar level of attraction. It's not that I am not planning on having that talk, he's far too important for me to accidentally push him over the edge. That is why I'm asking and asking, hope it's ok.
and the lack of time to spend together. Judging his actions, however, I think we're on a similar level of attraction. 
