A couple of days I stumbled across a post by a Marine wife upset because she didnt get to hear from her husabnd as often as other spouses seemed to. My intial reaction was to groan and continue hunting for the information I was looking for, but I havenet been able to get it off my mind since.

As an FRG leader I get about half a dozen calls just like it every week, and no matter how much I explain OPSEC and the responisbility of different ranks and availability of communicatins by location...it never seems to help.

For some reason this particular post really bugged me, I layed in bed all night and thought about it. Mostly because this week I will watch a plane land carrying the remains of 4 amazing soldiers we lost from Fort lewis last week, and I am certain anyone of them would gladly trade places with her.
It bothered me because she like so many others dont seem to understadn that a phone call...however short may endanger their lives, that it is a signal that can be triangulated....and every delivery of mail, chow, and supplies...puts an entire convoy's life on the line.

I am not immune to the stresses of waiting...to the heartache of the phone not ringing, to the frsutration, lonliness and heartbreak of a husband at war......I simply choose to focus on how proud I am of my husband, and the joys of having him home again soon.

If you're out there Marine wife, take a deep breath......I am praying for your husband, and also for you. May you find within yourself the grace and strength you need to be the woman who would make him proud.

God be with you.

This is nice and all. But still a phone call, letter, or an email is better than nothing. I am sorry but I would be upset if my husband did not communicate with me at all. My husband is deployed right now and he makes sure to contact me every week.

I think you missed the point of what was being said. In no way did ladyinwaiting insinuate that there should not be communication. Even without knowing her, I can guarantee that she loves getting those communications just as much as the next person. And those communications are better than nothing but there are times when communication just doesn't happen. Ladyinwaiting was talking from a "boots on the ground" type situation but the other branches also have times when there is no communication. There is a whole class of ships that have no outgoing communication for months at a time, just for the reasons stated above. Message traffic can be triangulated for position and then those ships don't come back. Is someone's desire to talk to their spouse on an hourly, daily, semi-weekly or weekly basis that much more important than the lives of 10 or 50 or 150 other people?

I'm glad that your husband is able to contact you every week. That doesn't mean that everyone's spouse has that same opportunity. That also doesn't mean that your spouse will continue to be able to continue contacting you on a weekly basis.

I would love anything letter e-mail phone call my husband has been gone for alomst a month he is Army Res. and I dont know if he even made it there or what I have no clue and its hard know he had to go some big base so internet slow and phone sure are used 24/7 but its starting to really bug me just want hey its ok I am alive and that would make me happy and his younger brother is in same unit and nothing from him.

Daniels - you can contact your local Red Cross office and ask that they do a "welfare check" on your husband. They can request he contact you to let you know he is there safe and sound.


Mom

My soldier son told me that if I ever did anything like that (have a Sgt. come looking for him to "call his Mom) he'd get smoked big time & never live it down! Some military friends agree, and my AF brother told me it - the Red Cross - should only be used for dire emergency.
I certainly know how Daniels wife feels; weeks go by with no word, and then FINALLY a 4 line Email. The communication is horrible, but I guess we just have to live with it. Four months since I've heard my sons voice. I wish they would build some phone towers in A-Stan!!!!!

I'm reticent about contacting the Red Cross to do a welfare check, because my boyfriend would automatically assume something beyond terrible has happened.

This is my 1st deployment with my love as my boyfriend. I've experienced deployments with him before, but only as a friend and care package expert.

Don't get me wrong. I'd give anything to hear from him, we live in different states and his officer duties left him no time to send me his deployment mailing address, much less a last phone call.

I'm convinced that if I can keep myself together, he will stay safe. Our first communication, whatever form it takes, will be a better experience for both of us.

I find writing out what I'm feeling truly helps. This also gives you an opportunity to pick through your "thoughts" and give him something positive and reassuring. 2 tours ago, I made the mistake of sending a letter that wasn't positive about society in general. My point of view was not the morale booster he needed. My fault completely.

Hagen, I know that. Have over 24 years experience as a military spouses behind me. The only time I used Red Cross was to notify my husband of a death in the family (even though I had talked to him on the phone and he knew, we had to make it official to request he return for the funeral) and results from a surgery when he left for deployment not knowing if I had cancer or not.

And yes, they will hear about it if that is done. But, if Daniels is so torn up she can't function it may be worth it in the long run.


Mom

Of course we all agree that a phone call or email or something is always nice and we cherish those but wouldn't it also be nice if they didn't have to go away at all. The point is that they have to do what they have to do. That is what they signed up for and also what you signed up for (whether you realized it or not) by being a military spouse or significant other. That is what makes our job so hard here at home. I can't even imagine what it must have been like years ago when communication was even slower. I would never want my husband to risk his or anyone else's lives by contacting me when it is not safe. When you don't hear just be positive and pray.

I'm from the day's of slow communication, and echo phone calls. The calls would cost a fortune and would usually cause an argument because you really couldn't hear very well. I often felt more lonely after we hung up then before the call.
My daughter was having a very different experience of hearing from her guy about once a week, once he got settled. Then the new offensive started and she hasn't heard from him at all. She stays busy, prays often and hopes someone will find her if something happens to him.

ITS THE FIRST THING I READ THIS MORNING.. THANK U FOR THE INSPIRING WORDS... I JUST HAD A SAD NIGHT LAST NIGHT... MISSING HIM..

I know how it feels to go for what is to me an agonizingly long time between phone calls from my fiancé who is currently deployed. I have not heard from him in over a year. I try not to allow the 'what if's' spin through my mind.
But, I'm terrified the unthinkable has occurred. I've not received any calls from his command, his friends, not a thing. I've exhausted all avenues as far as who to contact for assistance (Red Cross was clueless, Chaplain couldn't help me) all because of the group my fiancé is with & the clearances needed to even get in contact with his commanders etc. I am beyond beside myself with worry. I wish someone somewhere would help me find my fiancé or at least his what his status is. I have tried to maintain OPSEC/COMSEC with regard to my search. I refuse to take the 'easy out' by just giving up and walking away. I know he would never give up searching for me if the situation were reversed.

If anyone can assist me in finding my fiancé please let me know.
Thank you for your time & understanding.

Respectfully,
~A.

Artic---you're engaged to the guy....have you contacted his parents??? You're not going to get any info from the military at all since you're not married, that's just how things work.
Any one in his family could have heard from him, or probably a friend.

If you were on the contact list you would have been contacted by now. The Chaplain can only go so far and so can the Red Cross. If they had anything they could give you they would. If you don't have command information then there is really nothing more that you can do. Do you have contact with this family? They can give you information.

But to be honest if you havent heard from him in a year and the Red Cross & Chaplain can't help you then I am getting a bad feeling about it, really bad. Are you absolutely positive he is in the military and doing what he says? That he is single even?

Gotta agree with NWIP here. If it has been a year with no contact, everyone you contact is "clueless", something just isn't right with that.

I agree with NWIP and BAW too - contact his family. If you are engaged you should be in contact with them and they would know how he is and such.

Could be wrong, but I'm just seeing red flags all over this.



Mom

Huge red flags are what I see waving here. I know there are elite units that go out and are out of contact with the "real" world back home for periods of time but a year without any contact at all just doesn't sound on the up and up on his end. I mean even soldiers in the remotest of places will find a way to make some sort of contact with their loved ones just so that they know their soldier is okay.

And if you are engaged, unless he was an orphan, it would seem that you would have some sort of contact with his family members.

How long did you know this man prior to his "deployment" to the unknown? Did you ever meet any of his family or friends? Did you ever actually go onto a military base with him? Where did he leave his personal items before he left? Did you ever see him in uniform or his military id? Was he living out in town in his own place or in the barracks? Basically how much do you really know to be factual about this person?

quote:

Originally posted by ApacheMechMom:
Huge red flags are what I see waving here. I know there are elite units that go out and are out of contact with the "real" world back home for periods of time but a year without any contact at all just doesn't sound on the up and up on his end. I mean even soldiers in the remotest of places will find a way to make some sort of contact with their loved ones just so that they know their soldier is okay.

And if you are engaged, unless he was an orphan, it would seem that you would have some sort of contact with his family members.

How long did you know this man prior to his "deployment" to the unknown? Did you ever meet any of his family or friends? Did you ever actually go onto a military base with him? Where did he leave his personal items before he left? Did you ever see him in uniform or his military id? Was he living out in town in his own place or in the barracks? Basically how much do you really know to be factual about this person?

Please contact my via email. Thank you.

quote:

Originally posted by sgtmom:
Gotta agree with NWIP here. If it has been a year with no contact, everyone you contact is "clueless", something just isn't right with that.

I agree with NWIP and BAW too - contact his family. If you are engaged you should be in contact with them and they would know how he is and such.

Could be wrong, but I'm just seeing red flags all over this.



Mom

No. You've got it wrong. Those I've contacted which mind you is a small handful of people

weren't able  

to assist me.
Not that everyone was clueless.
And, regarding his family. He like I have no one. Both parents are deceased . He has a half sister that he's never met nor spoken to. His mother passed away 4 yrs ago to cancer (mine 12yrs ago also to cancer) His step dad is very ill with heart issues, I do not want to cause him any stress or upset regarding his step son.
(my father passed away 10yrs ago). And, I understand what you're saying regarding "seeing red flags". I've retraced every step, conversation, every moment with him searching for clues I may have missed. I do however know that when some spec ops units go "deep black" they are cut off from any coms back home for security reasons for up to a year sometimes longer depending on the mission etc. It's been a little over 1yr since we last spoke on the phone.
And, yes we are engaged & he should be in contact with me. But, I heard from a friend whom works with the wounded SF guys in DC. She told me that sometimes the soldiers don't want their wives to know they've been wounded. So my question is if he's been injured & is in a hospital but either can't talk due to severity of his wounds then what? Then what? My gut feeling tells me this may be the case.

quote:

Originally posted by Navywifeinparadise:
If you were on the contact list you would have been contacted by now. The Chaplain can only go so far and so can the Red Cross. If they had anything they could give you they would. If you don't have command information then there is really nothing more that you can do. Do you have contact with this family? They can give you information.

But to be honest if you havent heard from him in a year and the Red Cross & Chaplain can't help you then I am getting a bad feeling about it, really bad. Are you absolutely positive he is in the military and doing what he says? That he is single even?

There is the second part of my dilemma. How do I verify it, because if he is legit my asking questions could be viewed as a security issue. If he's not will the military do anything to him legally if they can identify & locate him?
Honestly, I hate to think I'm the victim of a PX Ranger aka poser.. I've always tried to be very careful when dealing with those who claim to be legit. I ask A LOT of questions. So, now what? Ideas? I abhor the not knowing.

I do appreciate everyone's input & understanding regarding this matter. And wish to say thank you for the warnings & advice.

I love LdyNwaiting's post at the top!
I try to think about these guys out there working 18hrs a day without a day off and doing it for 6 - 9 months. GOD BLESS THEM! Try to think about it like this (if you don't get a phone call a week) - THEY LOVE YOU, and would like nothing else than to call home and chat all day long. But they "Love" you, and run into the delemma when looking at their watches, calculating the time difference (to where you are & what you might be doing *sleeping, taking kids to school, whatever) and these guys feel guilty for NOT calling. I think about our guys over there who are dead tired, debating on getting that extra hour of sleep instead of calling you so that they are fresh & alert in 4 hrs to do it all over again. Knowing if they do call, then when they get off the phone they won't be able to goto sleep and will have to operate with 2hr of sleep..and feeling guilty about it..but loving you none-the-less.

It's not a video game that you can turn off...it's a war..and they think about you just as much as you think about them. Whether they call or not, the love you.