well im having one of those days , I just feel so lonely and im missing my husband so much.its crazy how you can be so strong and positive one day, and then the next day you feel so lost and sad. is it just me or have any of you guys felt this way before? I love my husband so much and I miss him so much. I just wish time went by faster, anyways thanks for being there guys

funny, I am going through the same thing today.. so much so that I told him I didn't want to talk to him for our daily chat... I have just over 90 days left before he comes home....

I'm sorry it's rough. I know it doesn't help much, but it will pass and things will get back to "normal".

Hang in there!


Sgt Mom

You are definitely not alone! Last week was up, down, up, down! All I can say is hang in there. It sucks and it's not fun, but you'll make it! And it will go by faster than you think it will. And if you have a down day, come on here. There's always someone to help you through it!

I hear you. I spent the last two days in a depressed sort of mood. My BF is due back in 25 days or so, and I was missing him terribly. This is "my" first deployment (he's been over several times) and was handling it very well. I'm a very independent person and had a lot going on with applying for Air Force OTS myself, but now that the majority of that is finished, I have a lot more free time on my hands to sit and worry. Idleness drags my mood down, so the trick for me is to keep productive, get outside and run if I have to; just feel like I'm accomplishing something. That always takes my mind off him being gone and puts me in a great mood. The "bad days" will always sneak up on you, but people have various ways of keeping those to a minimum.

my husband is leaving on the 25 to go to texas and then he goes to Iraq for over a year he wasnt here for our daughters birth the first time he saw her she was 3 months and didnt come home till she was 6 months he has only be home for 7 mo she is so attached to him when he goes to work she screams how Iam going to do this not only for me but for ShyAnn she clings to him and days are getting harder and he hasent even left yet how can I do life over a year with out him?

quote:

Originally posted by 21099638:
my husband is leaving on the 25 to go to texas and then he goes to Iraq for over a year he wasnt here for our daughters birth the first time he saw her she was 3 months and didnt come home till she was 6 months he has only be home for 7 mo ....... how can I do life over a year with out him?

You can get through this the same way you made it through basic and AIT without him. You made it through the pregnancy and delivery without him, so you should be able to get through this year without him, too.

He should have easier availability to Emails and letters in Iraq than he had while in training. Phone communication will vary with how much access he has to phones where he lives or how much you are willing to pay for cellular.

Even with the access to technology to stay in contact, I know it doesn't substitute for touch and just being there to experience life with you.

You will have different life experiences this year. He will miss so much of his daughter's development as she toddles into preschool tasks. Discuss how to best document all the joys he is going to miss, so that he can at least feel like he in the loop.

Kids ususally are quite resillient. Your daughter is young enough that she will most likely have no memory of her father being gone (this time, at least). You may be pleasantly surprised at how quickly she adjusts to him being gone. The better you can take care of yourself and gather a support system to help you during this stress filled time, the better off your family will get through this year.

Bottom line-how can you make it through?....One day, sometimes one moment at a time, by the grace of God or whomever you find love and wholeness within, and with the help of people who love you. Find those people and let them know when you're hurting and how they can help.

God Bless you...
I made it through 2 deployments so far...I believe you can,too. I pray that you don't have to have many more separations in your young family's journey.
Lynn

deployments suck! but it is a necessary thing being in the military. SO far its been over two months now. time is going by fast when i realize wow another week went by but when i look at the calendar and see how much longer i have left it feels like its goin by soooooo slowwwwwwww. I just dont look at the calendar much now to avoid it. So just five more months he'll be back for r and r so thats something i'm looking forward to. I just hope this time flies by as fast as the ten months we actually got to live together did. Wish my hubby was here i get to do a whole year of the terrible twos and potty training alone. deployments never have the right timing do they?

I am feeling it too, my son has been gone since April. You know when he was in basic somehow by the grace of god we { me and his siblings} managed to see him at least once a month. I miss everything about him.. But especially his ability for laughter. I have had some things go south and jsut feeling so sad and depressed lately.. I wonder if I will ever get through this and then I think its only been a couple of months,, how will I ever get to February when he will be home, if I can't even get through a couple of months. It sucks being a single parent all your life then never get to see them. and honestly just afraid that when and if something does go bad, that I don't want to be alone, with just children here, when they come. I try to stay positive but its just not working..

Hi,
I too am missing my husband, we just PSCed backed to the states afte 7 years in England. Two weeks after we got our household goods my husband came home and told me that he has to deploy. The guy who was suppose to go wasn't able to. We had two weeks to get him ready for combat skills training. He spent a month at training, then came home for two weeks and then left for 6 months. Our house is not even completely unpacked, our AC has broken twice since moving in. I have yet to make any friends. My older daughter has high funtioning Autism so this move and her dad deploying as left her in turmoil.
To top it all off some one in my neighborhood, called the city Code Enforcment officer to complain that my lawn was too long. So I got an orange notice that I had three days to mow my lawn. The thing is that we DON'T live in a gated community, or on base. Just some jerk who thought my lawn was too long. I know that some of the guys from husbands shop could come over and mow the yard, but they have their own lives and yards to mow. Plus I can mow the yard myself, it just takes me a bit longer to get it done. It just couldn't believe that this person didn't have the guts to come and talk to me in person. Just filed a compalint with the city, and the thing was that yes my lawn was a bit long but not terrible so.

I emailed my husband and told him that I really wanted to go and buy some of those pink plastic flamingos and garden gnomes and put them all over the yard. Even though I don't like them, I know that the person complained about my lawn wouldn't like them either. I suppose it rather petty but it sure would make me smile, which is something that I could use right now.
As loved ones of a military member there is sure alot we have to endure and deal with when our husbands are deployed. I am glad I have found a place where I can sound off and have other who understand what its like to go through a deployment. This is my husband 4th deployment in the last six years. This does not include the numerous TDYs and Schools he has attended. He will miss all the holidays again this year, this will be the first time in our marriage that we will be apart for our anniversary. My husband and I have a saying, One day at a time. I try not to look beyond what I really need to accomplish in that one day. If the laundry doesn't get put away right away because I need to attend to my kids, then so be it. Often times my girls and I will have popcorn and a movie, This keeps them busy for a few hours and I can sit on the couch and "watch" the movie, while doing something I enjoy. They are happy with thier movie and popcorn and a few small treats.

Sometimes putting them to bed a little early and having the evening to just relax works too.

Thanks for listneing.

im having one of those days today, I miss my husband so much and I feel so helpless due to the fact that he cant tell me exactly when his R&R days will be, he said that it will be sometime at the end of next month but I dont understand why they do us like that.Dont they let the soldiers know when their R&R dates going to be ahead of time , can anybody tell me their experience with the whole R&R dates situation and how do they find out when they're dates gonna be or what? Im getting to the point where im starting to be mad at my DH for not doing anything about it. I just need somebody to enlighten me please.....thanks

From what I understand, guys can put in when they would like to have their R&R happen, and then after that it's dependent on their command & on the mission. Only 10% max (I think) are allowed to be on R&R at any one time, and it's not until after 90 days deployed and before 90 days prior to return that guys can come home for R&R - for army anyway.

My husband left for A-stan last month. Since I am pregnant and due in September, my husband has put in a request to come home for R&R over Thanksgiving, which is about as soon as he could possibly be allowed to come, when our son will be about 2.5 months old. However, from what I have heard from numerous people is that no matter what he puts in for, it all depends on whether the mission can spare him at that point, and not to count on it. So, I am hoping he gets to come when he requested, but I am not going to start counting on it until I hear he's getting on a plane - and even then planes can be delayed, etc, so be ready to give a couple days' leeway on either side of when you expect him to be home.

So far my hubby's only been gone a few weeks, and my parents only live an hour away, so I've been doing pretty ok. And what with the baby coming, ridiculous weather, and a friend of mine being several days past her due date, I've got plenty of distractions for the time being. *Hugs* to all those having rough days/weeks.

If you can help it, please don't get mad at your husband about the R & R dates. They have no control over it whatsoever. Even if he's the commander, the mission and conditions will determine whether R & R is even possible. Even if he gets a certain date for his leave, travel can delay him as soldier's leave does not take priority over things more important to mission. Of course the weather and sandstorms can cause delays, too.

My experience with leave during the 2 deployments I've survived so far include:

Husband not taking a leave as he left theater to finish the residency portion of a school where he had his family join him there. He did take a 3 day pass where I met him in Germany for a weekend which was his only break from the Army during that year.

Husband taking 10 days leave in order for the other soldiers in his command to get the full leave as that's all the time he could allow himself to be away from command. He came home for that one. It was one of the most bitter-sweet times of my life. It was SO hard when he went back,that I wished he never came home. If he ever deploys again and takes leave I will do everything in my power to try to meet him somewhere else in the world so that he doesn't leave me and the house feeling so empty ever again. I feel so strongly about this that if he insists on coming home, I may choose to NOT BE THERE and take a vaction somewhere else to avoid that pain. Other than the stress leading up to deployments, I found that to be the worst part of the whole experience.

I know that leave is not about me and that makes me sound like a real peach of a wife, but that was really hard for me, and I never want to repeat it.


Once the command has a schedule, he'll be able to give you a rough idea of when leave will be.
The only SURE date is the one when he tells you he's landed at a US airport and that his connection is listed as "on time".
God bless you during this stressful time.

Lynn

lol....Lynn hon, you don't sound like a "peach" at all. This was the reason (among other things) why we didn't have R&R the first time. I've always heard about how incredibly hard it was for them to come and go again that I'm relieved that we didn't get it last time.
This time around, being's that he's gonna be gone even longer, I'm thinking that I will take my chances. Having my family here in the area is going to be my saving grace though.
But mine just left, so I'll cross that bridge when I get there.

Thanks BAW,
I'll watch the boards and respond if I think I can be of any help if you need to vent during this deployment.

I hope the OP and her service member have a great leave experience. I'll agree that the service seems to make it more aggravating than it needs to be. Emotions run high and there's very little control over the whole process.