Are You Nervous Or Depressed?.........

Having Medical Or Legal Problems? Or Maybe You Just Need The Answers To ALL Of Lifes Problems.
Regardless, Dr. BV Is Here To Help You.

Just Ask Dr. BV ANYTHING You Want.... ANYTHING You Need To Know And He'll Have The Answers For You.

**********WARNING!**********

This Is For Entertainment Purposes ONLY! If You ACTUALLY DO What Dr. BV Tells You To, Well.......You're An Idiot.

BV! Are you "Playing Doctor" again?! Most of us stop that sort of thing years ago.

That's DOCTOR BV. I'd appreciate it if you'd refer to me as DOCTOR on this thread. Lord knows I've earned it.......And I have the reciept to prove it.

Now, What are your troubles son?
What can I do for You?

quote:

Originally posted by BOLLINGSPVET:
That's DOCTOR BV. I'd appreciate it if you'd refer to me as DOCTOR on this thread. Lord knows I've earned it.......And I have the reciept to prove it.

Now, What are your troubles son?
What can I do for You?

Typical eastener....... If I were to become a doctor I'd lean more towards that aroma therepy and hot oil massage thing the ladies all like.......... Butttttttttt you keep doing the old "rubber glove and bend over thing", oh, and don't forget to tell SGTB to "cough".

Are you Mocking Me Dr. BV Sheridan? I have you know my good man, that I Earned and Recieved my Dagree studying on the WEST COAST..... Tijuana, to be exact.

Besides....I'm NOT that kind of a Doctor.
My specialty is.........Well, Everything.

quote:

Originally posted by BOLLINGSPVET:
Are you Mocking Me Dr. BV Sheridan? I have you know my good man, that I Earned and Recieved my Dagree studying on the WEST COAST..... Tijuana, to be exact.

Besides....I'm NOT that kind of a Doctor.
My specialty is.........Well, Everything.

yeah, and the "skinny" is out on you mister.... and "Long Dong Silver" you ain't. Least wise that's what she said anyway........
acccccccctually she said

Well, you know what I always say.............

It may not be the biggest....But it's the Busiest.

NOW Stop hurting my feelings or I'LL have to see a Doctor.

BV, MD. Manic Depressiion! or Mad Doctor.which one is on your shingle. Oh! I know! Sheit on shingle!

So you REALLY want to hear all about my problem at the dentist with my tooth.... and my refridgerator?? And do you also handle problems arising from affairs with the heart?

Well, first of all about my my tooth....

Go on Cat....That's what I'm here for....To SOLVE ALL of your problems. Just ask, and I'll have the answers.

But don't expect "Conventional".

OK then. Ahem.

The dentist shaved my tooth. Not my old dentist. I had the tiniest hole in a tooth, and she filled it twice, and it fell out twice, so I was totally aggravated and sought out a new dentist.

Yes he did fix the hole.... and then he proceeded to take his drill to the cusp of the tooth, where there was nothing wrong. And he partially removed the cusp. I couldn't figure it out right away, but two days later, I noticed when I ran my fingernail over it, it wasn't the old slick surface, but like a rough asphalt road.

So I called the fool back, thinking, maybe there really is a reason, and my ignorant non dental mind just doesn't comprehend it.

Well, the blackguard teetotally denied it.

BV, my friend should I go radical and report his sorry butt... or just take it on the chin and baby the tooth forever??????

I trust you with my life BV.

By the way, he didn't numb it at all, so I could feel everything he did, and I know he is guilty.

Okay, uhhh, DOC, I have this bump on my, well, to borrow from the caveman thread, my man hangy thingy.

See, it gets bigger when I am happy, but it doesnt do anything else, just sticks out, I try wrapping it, cold compresses, I even tryed touching it to a electric fence, HURT like hell, but its still there. Its very HARD to get any sleep as it keeps me UP all night..

HELP please....

Hey!!! Are you a REAL doctor?
Are you a "Dr. Phil" kind of doctor... or an MD, or both? Could we see your credentials please?

quote:

Originally posted by OrangeCat97:
OK then. Ahem.

The dentist shaved my tooth. Not my old dentist. I had the tiniest hole in a tooth, and she filled it twice, and it fell out twice, so I was totally aggravated and sought out a new dentist.

Yes he did fix the hole.... and then he proceeded to take his drill to the cusp of the tooth, where there was nothing wrong. And he partially removed the cusp. I couldn't figure it out right away, but two days later, I noticed when I ran my fingernail over it, it wasn't the old slick surface, but like a rough asphalt road.

So I called the fool back, thinking, maybe there really is a reason, and my ignorant non dental mind just doesn't comprehend it.

Well, the blackguard teetotally denied it.

BV, my friend should I go radical and report his sorry butt... or just take it on the chin and baby the tooth forever??????

I trust you with my life BV.

Cat....This one's too easy....
First, I reccomend you skip ALL of the dentists in your area and go to dental school yourself. Learn how to be a "DO IT YOURSELF" dentist and you'll never have to worry about Shotty workmanship again AND being "Ripped Off".

Of course, you could always skip the expense of dental school and attend my 4 hour seminar called "Dental Do Overs For Dummies" and save yourself a whole lot of grief and money.

Hope This helped....NEXT!

quote:

Originally posted by THANKUVETS:
Okay, uhhh, DOC, I have this bump on my, well, to borrow from the caveman thread, my man hangy thingy.

See, it gets bigger when I am happy, but it doesnt do anything else, just sticks out, I try wrapping it, cold compresses, I even tryed touching it to a electric fence, HURT like hell, but its still there. Its very HARD to get any sleep as it keeps me UP all night..

HELP please....

Okay, this may sting a little, but the end results should be just what you're looking for.

First, you need to stick that nasty thing in a pot of boiling hot costic acid. That'll help dull the pain (HAAAAAAAAAA!!)

Next, go to Home Depot, (if you haven't already) and go to isle 8, half way down to the left. Second shelf and buy yourself one of those Heavy Duty bolt cutters and either go back home and remove that vile thing, OR, simply do it right there on isle 8. I reccomend doing it right there in the store, this way, you won't have to drive all the way back to return it, as I'm sure you'll have no more use for it.

Oh yeah, and take two aspirins and call me in the morning. Hope this helped.... NEXT!

Anyone have any Emotional problems they'd like solved?

quote:

Anyone have any Emotional problems they'd like solved?

Yes. If you'll just hold my hand please. This is so very difficult.
Why are tall blonde men attracted to me? What is it about me that attracts drunks and guys who don't want to make a living?

Emotional problems?? Yeah, I WILL have one if I do what you just said, you sick sucker..

quote:

Originally posted by OrangeCat97:

quote:

Anyone have any Emotional problems they'd like solved?

Yes. If you'll just hold my hand please. This is so very difficult.
Why are tall blonde men attracted to me? What is it about me that attracts drunks and guys who don't want to make a living?

Ahhhh, I've heard about this delema before...

But I need to ask you a few questions first...

First, do you live next to a Nuclear Power Plant?

How 'bout an old land fill?

When you flush your toilet, does the water turn to the Right, or to the Left?

Now, I know to an Unexperienced individual, these questions may seem a bit odd, but TRUST ME....I KNOW WHAT I'M DOING.

Just answer these questions for me first and I should be able to pin point your problem(s) and have an answer, filled with wisdom for you.

Doc BV.......... this isn't an easy topic for me to talk about.... it's sensitive in more ways then one.
You see it all began a looooooooooooong time ago just before I partook on a mission to Mars.
Yeah, no schit Doc, I schit you not. I went to Mars. No, no, no, not that military amateur radio system ---- MARS!!!! as in the planet. (((jeeeeeeeese, what a stupid azz doc)))
Well Doc, the night before I was to launch off on an epic journey I was having this drink in the local bar and this "lady" showed up. Her name was Helen I think and we, welllllllllll; you know how it is Dic, er, Doc. HEY!!!! at the time it, er, she, didn't look allllllllll that bad. Long (no pun intended) story short (not a descriptive statement) we had, well, you know. Now I have all these pustule's on, around and up and down - SEE!!!. They ooze, itch, bleed and are begining to spread .
My eyesight is getting worse, my stamina has decreased and this ulcerated cyst under my right eye is hampering my sex life.
Oh, I lanced several of the pustule's and collected the effluence in case you want to do any lab work. And here is a bag of schit and an old mayonnaise jar full of urine in case you want to look at that stuff too.
Can you help me?