BT
UNCLAS //N01000//
ALCOAST 749/08
COMDTNOTE 1000
SUBJ: CHANGE TO COAST GUARD EARLY RETIREMENT PROGRAM
A. PERSONNEL MANUAL, COMDTINST M1000.6(SERIES)
1. As a result of Senate proposed force reductions and budget cuts the Coast Guard has developed a program to reduce the number of active duty personnel. This program is under test phase and will be effective 1 January 2009. Under this new program, older sailors will be asked to go on early retirement, thus permitting the retention of the younger sailors who represent the future. Therefore, this program will phase out older sailors by the end of the next fiscal year. This initial phase of the program will be known as SLAP (Sailors Late-Aged Program). Sailors who are SLAPPED will be given the opportunity to look for jobs outside the Coast Guard. SLAPPED sailors can request a review of their personnel records before actual retirement takes place.
2. This phase of the program is called SCREW (Survey of Capabilities of Retired Early Workers). All sailors who have been SLAPPED or SCREWED, may file an appeal with their chain of command with final authority at the Area level.
3. This is called SHAFT (Study by Higher Authority Following Termination). Under the terms of the new policy, a sailor may be SLAPPED once, SCREWED twice, but may be SHAFTED as many times as the Coast Guard deems appropriate. If a sailor follows the above procedures, he/she will be entitled to get HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel's Early Severance) or CLAP (Combined Lump-sum Assistance Payment), unless he/she already has AIDS (Additional Income From Dependents or Spouse).
4. As HERPES and CLAP are considered benefit plans, any sailor who has received HERPES or CLAP will no longer be SLAPPED or SCREWED by the Coast Guard. The Coast Guard wishes to assure the younger Sailors who remain on board, that the Coast Guard will continue its policy of training sailors through our Special High Intensity Training (****). The Coast Guard takes pride in the amount of **** our sailors receive. We have given our sailors more **** than any other service. If any sailor feels they do not receive enough **** at their current duty station, see your immediate supervisor. YOUR SUPERVISOR IS SPECIALLY TRAINED TO MAKE SURE YOU RECEIVE ALL THE **** YOU CAN STAND.
5. THIS CHANGE WILL BE INCORPORATED INTO A FUTURE CHANGE TO REF A.
QUESTIONS RELATING TO THIS POLICY MAY BE ADDRESSED TO CWO KEMENS AT
(202) 874-7214 OR EMAIL JOAN.A.KEMENS(AT)USCG.MIL.
6. RDML DANIEL A. NEPTUN, DIRECTOR OF PERSONNEL MANAGEMENT, SENDS.
7. INTERNET RELEASE AUTHORIZED.
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thank you! i needed a good laugh after work today.

Me too!!!

That has been around for the last 15 or 20 years.. Keko, I can't believe you haven't seen that before....

Wray....

Wray,
Is this the same program that screwed/shafted you?