So at first she was fine with the thought but now as I'm doing more and more the thought of me actually processing and signing up is scaring her and the last few days weve been fighting more then we ever have. I'm wondering if anyone has any ideas to calm her nerves. The only thing she has read is all the anti-military stuff online that says I'll be sent to Iraq and killed(but im becming a linguist hmm) or that Ill be sent to 15 different bases a year and that I wont get any Montgomery GI Bill money. I know shes just worried but the stress is making a good thing not so great in that I almost dread processing now. I know if I really decide this then she'll be with me but is there any suggestions you have to make it easier until then.

Does she know about this site? If not, that might be a good first step.

Also, there are other communities within mil.com, and some of them deal very specifically with spouses, friends, etc. Military Life, Spouses and Community is one of them. Within that community, she'll find such things as "Military Spouses and Friends," "Military 101: Back to Basics," "Mobilization & Deployment," "Military Marriage and Military Relationships," and lots of others. She's not alone. There are many spouses, girl/boyfriends, and fiances who all love their significant others and cope with all the uncertainties and realities that go along with loving a service member.

Among other things, she might realize how much better families and spouses have it in the Air Force.

Thanks. Yeah I've been trying to get her to look at stuff and talk with her about it and she is just set that she'll lose me forever either to Iraq or to the USAF and doesn't understand that I won't be working 10 hrs a day 6 days a week. She is dead set to believe that she will never see me and that it will be horrible. I have a feeling she'll come through. If this is meant to be it will all work itself out. My recruiter is just doing a huge favor and setting up for the DLAB before MEPS so I mean it's kinda hard to say "hey hold that favor for a few months" ya know.. thanks for the info though

As an Air Force linguist you'll be in the rear with the gear unless you're an airborne linguist. Then you'll be flying the the airspace we already control. On top of that, depending on the language you get, you're most likely going to be in tech school for well over a year and maybe close to two years if you get Korean or Arabic. Depending on who gets elected, we may not even be in Iraq or will significantly be drawing down. Tell her you'll be fine and she doesn't have to worry about all this other stuff.

I agree with Bill. Encourage her to use this site and get more accurate, current information than wherever or whomever she is getting her info from. She will get through it. Stick to your guns and don't give up an opportunity of a lifetime.

quote:

Originally posted by Aubuchon:
Thanks. she is just set that she'll lose me forever either to Iraq or to the USAF and doesn't understand that I won't be working 10 hrs a day 6 days a week. She is dead set to believe that she will never see me and that it will be horrible.

This sounds like separation jitters faced by a lot of young couples I have encountered. Regardless of the reason for the separation; separate colleges, military service, job requirements, or whatever, it can seem like the end of the world.

Basically, if you are looking at a long term relationship, separation for service should be a strengthening experience, not a relationship ender. If the relationship can't survive separation during training and remote tours, it probably won't survive a lifetime of the ups and downs of marriage.

Based on the short entries so far, it sounds like she may be insecure about the relationship. If military service is something you really and truly want, she should support you and be willing to work with you. Trust me, you will be expected to make many sacrifices also in the years to come for the sake of the relationship. It has to be give and take on both sides.

If you go to church, seek out veterans who were married during their service, and let your fiance talk to them. They can offer advice and support for both of you.

quote:

Originally posted by Aubuchon:
Thanks. Yeah I've been trying to get her to look at stuff and talk with her about it and she is just set that she'll lose me forever either to Iraq or to the USAF and doesn't understand that I won't be working 10 hrs a day 6 days a week. She is dead set to believe that she will never see me and that it will be horrible.

The 'job' of being a military spouse is a tough one - in a lot of cases a lot tougher than it is for the military member. There is every possibility that you will be working 10 hours a day, six days a week at times and you can never know exactly where - I once left on a seven month deployment with less than six hours notice. But as the military member I had the support of everyone at work, spouses can feel pretty alone in the whole thing.

That's not to say that it's a bad thing though. While sure there's stress, there are also incredible opportunities from being a military spouse and you'll have the opportunitiy to grow together.

quote:

Originally posted by Sawyer124: If you go to church, seek out veterans who were married during their service, and let your fiance talk to them. They can offer advice and support for both of you.

Why limit it to church - you'll find a lot of veterans other places as well (hell, 'military.com' is just crawling with 'em). Find some and ask what their experiences were.

Mike

I concur with all the others. She needs to do her own research from accredited site, not Joe Shmo's Ihatethemilitary.com. My then-girlfriend/now-wife had the same jitters but did a ton of research, and started out from the beginning. Using a lot of Wikipedia she looked up Air Force, then AFBMT, then Keesler (my tech school.) Then AF deployments, military pay, GI Bill, and cascaded from there. Now, not only does she support me, she definately knows her stuff. Plus, I made it a point that she learned a thing or two about the military.

thanks everyone for your responses... this just really seems like its a losing battle... im almost thinking to just do it and hope she comes through... if its meant to be itll work

Aubuchon; I don't know old this girl is or what her life experiences have been thus far, BUT...It's time to put on her big girl panties! If she is mature enough to contemplate committing herself to marriage she better be ready to take on whatever comes her way. Even in the best of marriages in the best of times couples struggle and face hardships. Lay out a plan of dates and times when you "expect" things to occur. Get her on board to learn all she can about being a military wife. Heck "thewifey" probably has a PhD in it!
There are dangers every day in civilian life. Look up the odds of a linguist getting killed in the line of duty. Compare that to driving on the freeway every day for 6 years. Something to think about. If she loves you and can do this she will still be there waiting, if not, there is your answer. I'm sure she can do this! BMT graduation is worth it! Good Luck!

I agree with all the others. SHE needs to do some reseach about what BMT is all about and what field you will be in. I do think that she has some growing up to do. I know you love her because you are here and concerned for her. You are putting her feelings first and your dreams second. You did not say anything about your marriage plans. Is she getting cold feet about being an AF bride and having to move away from family and friends? What does she want to do with her life (go to college/have a family/work?). You need to talk with her and find out all that she is worried about...please listen to her and take it all in...every worry. Let her post her own questions and concerns here (as you can see from all these posts to your question, she may get the answers that will confort her). GOOD LUCK

quote:

Originally posted by Aubuchon:
So at first she was fine with the thought but now as I'm doing more and more the thought of me actually processing and signing up is scaring her and the last few days weve been fighting more then we ever have. I'm wondering if anyone has any ideas to calm her nerves. The only thing she has read is all the anti-military stuff online that says I'll be sent to Iraq and killed(but im becming a linguist hmm) or that Ill be sent to 15 different bases a year and that I wont get any Montgomery GI Bill money. I know shes just worried but the stress is making a good thing not so great in that I almost dread processing now. I know if I really decide this then she'll be with me but is there any suggestions you have to make it easier until then.

To hit a few things real quick you right about the becoming a linguist no worries really there.

Being sent to 15 diffrent bases a year dont think so. We are cutting doing on PCS's due to the cost of them this day in age it's a normal thing for a person to be at one base for there whole first enlistment.

Even if that weren't the case why would it matter if your are engaged I assume you will be getting married in which case she'll move with you to everyone of those bases.

As for the GI Bill you recieve 100% tuition assistance we very rarely use the GI Bill but if you do it can't be denied to you as long as you paid in the $50 a paycheck $1200 for the year. Thats the dumbest thing I've ever heard.

My Fiance, soon to be Husband is in the process of enrolling in the AF as a Cryptologic Linguist and I was wondering what are the differences between being a air-born or ground linguist? Ultimately which is the safer of the two? I am prepared to follow him to every base h may be transferred to but I still have a lot of questions. Such as are there instances where he will be 'deployed'? or transferred somewhere where I won't be able to follow him? Thanks for any info you guys can provide.

quote:

I was wondering what are the differences between being a air-born or ground linguist?

The airborne linguists do their job while flying, and the ground based liguists do their job inside a building. Since buildings aren't known to fall out of the sky, I would assume that it would be safer to be ground based.

quote:

are there instances where he will be 'deployed'? or transferred somewhere where I won't be able to follow him?

That's always a possibility. He may be deployed to a war zone where you obviously cannot go. He may also be assigned to a "remote" tour. This is an overseas tour where dependents aren't allowed to go. One thing to keep in mind, as a linguist, he will most likely be assigned overseas.

It may sound mean but in my opinion is. She knows that you want this more than ever. Also you will be a linguist if you make it threw the tech school. She will be able to live with you eventually at tech school if you want her to. I have heird that being a military spouse isn't an easy thing but it isn't an easy thing to be in the military eaither. If she is worried about the hours you will work just wait untill you get to your first duty station and you go threw an exercise.

Usually about 2 weeks, atleast here it is about 2 weeks. Phase 1 12 hour shifts Sunday untill Saturday, then Phase 2 you have to be in MOP 2 (suits and boots) very hot stuff and go threw attacks and crap. Anyway that last about Sunday untill Saturday of the Phase 2 of 12 hour shifts.

So stateside that might be the toughest shift you get but you being a linguist you never know what kind of crazy hours you will get and how much you will be deployed to places that she won't be able to go with him.

If your a lingusit, you have more to worry about the base exercizes. As ANY AFSC you have the possibility of being stationed (not even deployed) at a location where your spouse and family (not even your car) can follow. The AF can be hard on growing families.

So thanks for all the responses in this forum... Obviously for those who have seen me post we have been able to scratch these issues off as "jitters and nervous about me being gone" , Now everything has been fine I've taken your guys advice and she is really being accepting of it all. I'm also going to be doing ATC instead of linguist now :-)

Your fiance sounds JUST LIKE ME when my sweetie told me that he was joining.

To be honest, I just had to wait until he went to basic. I did have a few little meltdowns but now he only has two weeks left and I am fine, I am so excited about our future.

There is really not a lot of AF in Iraq (that is something that everyone told me but I didn't believe until a few weeks ago.) If she needs someone to talk to, you can PM me or whatever and I'll be more than happy to talk to her.

AUBUCHON- Please make sure you check out the pros and cons of each career choice. Best of luck!

ASTRAEABEAUTY- I hope you plan on getting married before he goes to the DLI. The cost of living in CA is so high for you to live in an apartment while he has to live in the dorms and get phased up (if you do not get married). It would be very hard for the both of you unless you were married! Still going to the DLI will take it's toll on your marriage. I do not want to worry you but you both should know that the training for this career will require intense schooling and a true comment to marriage on both your parts. Best wishes!

quote:

Originally posted by MegNKyle:

There is really not a lot of AF in Iraq (that is something that everyone told me but I didn't believe until a few weeks ago.) If she needs someone to talk to, you can PM me or whatever and I'll be more than happy to talk to her.

The reason i am replying to this isnt just to make you worry! I dont want you going into a military spouse situation with that mentality. There are a lot of Air Force in Iraq, A-stan, and random countries in that part of the world. I would hate for you to think ohh that cant happen to my husband and them bammm Deployment. Granted our deployments are nowhere near as long as the other branches of the DOD they are still not NON-Existant. According to what your husband is going to be doing for the Air Force will dictated how often he will go, but most of everyone i know with over 3 or 4 years in service have been a time or two, and the number is growing!