Big problems at MEPS today! [VERY LONG] - Topic Powered by eve community

I was disqualified for the following reason: "N5 -- Per MEPCOM N stat until recr command & MEPCOM authorize." What does this mean?

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My MEPS experience (grab a drink):

The recruiter scheduled me for MEPS processing at 0615 this morning, which was about 90 minutes after the nominal start time for those staying at the hotel. I drove myself, and parked in a big parking lot across the street from the facility. I buzzed the intercom and was told to empty my pockets immediately upon entering the building.

There were about 50 applicants grouped together in front of a large TV when I arrived: A lot of them were young kids and behaved as such (fidgeting, kicking chairs, falling asleep, etc.) I went directly to the control desk and was asked for my name and medical prescreen by an uninterested civilian employee. She assigned me a sticker with a barcode and some other cryptic notation indicating my candidacy for a commission, and handed me a yellow folder with my medical documentation.

Candidates for military chaplaincy, judge advocacy (lawyers), and medical professions are sometimes given special treatment in the form of "special category" processing--this means front-of-line privileges and a more personal medical consultation. Not so at this place! Capacity at this particular facility is often saturated because so many stations are undermanned, and so I had to go through the gauntlet in the same way as a freshly-minted HS grad.

I asked this same lady for directions to the medical screening area, and she said to follow the green arrows affixed to the linoleum floor. Once I got to the "Emerald City" (medical screening area), I was told to take a seat.

Iteration through a line is generally accomplished by some tech, admin, or doctor saying "Next man!" in a loud voice. I was the third "next man" in this first of several lines that would form. The lady must have seen my nametag (or my bald spot)--she didn't give me the "drill instructor" treatment that she gave most of the others.

The blood pressure station consisted of a 3-by-3 matrix of chairs, and four self-contracting cuffs. It was clear that the lady supervising this station had had her fill of people sitting in the wrong seat, providing the wrong paperwork, and taking her pen. In any case, I learned that drinking a half-cup of black McDonald's coffee increases my blood pressure by 10%. How bizarre, how bizarre....

Audio exam. Man, were those headphones painful! I couldn't quite adjust my headphones before the test began, so I was stuck listening for Morse code in a hot, 6-by-6 ft room with my left ear folded over. The lady operating the audio station was just as jovial as the one at BP. Remember to "Pass the pen BACK!" and keep your 2808 on TOP of the yellow folder.

The vision station had the best "pre-engagement experience." Six of us were sitting just outside the entrance to a dark room containing (1) the equipment for vision testing, and (2) a grumpy technician. The grumpy technician came out of the room and told us to "Get in Order!" as if we just got off the bus. We played musical chairs for a while, and eventually fulfilled his wish. When my turn came up, the grumpy technician said, "Let's see how blind you are." I took off my glasses and tried to read the biggest line--a total blur. He told me to take off my glasses so he could do a finger test. "How many fingers do you see?" Passed, but not without being told I was blind as a bat and getting some oohs and aahs from people who saw my prescription. This really seemed like the death-nail to my processing, but apparently not being able to see the big "E" is sufficient to earn a "2" on your PULHES profile.

It gets better. I was directed to an air-conditioned classroom with a projector screen for our medical briefing. There were about 15 people in the room: 13 candidates for enlistment, 2 for officer (me and one OTS). Three-quarters of the class had tattoos, and three were 17 years old, including the guy who fell asleep on the desk in front of me. We were told to follow the proctor's instructions to the letter, and not work ahead. A few people completely tuned out and filled out the entire form anyway. One person held up the entire group for 15 minutes by arriving late. Nobody seemed to know what "next of kin" was. There was a lot of backpedalling for people who didn't keep pace or made mistakes. We also did a breathalyzer test; nobody blew for alcohol, although we were told about the 30-or-so shippers that blew positive after partying hard at the hotel one month prior.

Blood draw. This was amusing, and I got in trouble here for making jokes while waiting in line. It didn't look like I would be getting the "red carpet treatment" my recruiter mentioned, so I struck conversation with the two kids sitting beside me. We saw an applicant who was bleeding profusely from the arm leave the station, and wondered how good the tech's aim would be when it was our turn. When my turn came, I sat down and literally pointed to the correct vain in front of the tech before she stuck me. She told the others, "Hey, this guy knows where the right place is." Luckily, there was no need to break out the map and compass.

Whiz quiz! The grumpy technician from the vision station doubled as a proctor for the urinalysis. We were brought in five at a time and told to stand in front a urinal. Some people did not have the "capacity" to perform the task, and were angrily told to drink water and wait for 15 minutes. After the samples were collected, we were told to do a right face (on slippery tile--someone almost slipped), line up, and wait for another tech to open a window and take our materials. I earned the ire of the grumpy tech by doing a left oblique into a wall right after leaving the restroom. Ouch.

Time for the medical consultation. We were told to densely pack two rows of chairs adjacent to two examination rooms. The doctors at the MEPS are, well, ancient: several of them have been stationed at the same facility since the 1960s. Yeah, do the math. Anyway, we played musical chairs again and were called to one of two examination rooms one-by-one. The guy who was in front of me was a hopeful Marine-to-be, and was telling jokes and smiling as he was walking into the examination room. Slam! The door closes. Click! There's the lock. Fifteen minutes later, that same person exits the room stone-faces. PDQ? Not sure. But that doctor didn't seem the least bit friendly. My head-of-line privileges got me into the doctor's office no sooner than next-to-last, and the doc told me to close the door and have a seat. Two grunts and one minute later, the doctor jumps out of his chair and leads me to the CMO (my records said "CMO consult only"). The doc and the CMO retreat into an office and discuss my file. About a minute later, I am led out to a row of chairs toward the front of the medical screening area, and told to wait.

Almost an hour passes before an Army sergeant waves his finger at me to get out of my chair and follow him into a room with several administrative offices. He has me take a seat so he can make copies of my records. I was approached by no less than 10 people--including the techs at the blood draw station that mumbled to themselves, "There's the guy who was telling me how to do my job."-- asking me to state my business while he was away; "He just told me to sit here" was all I had.

The Army sergeant leads me to a senior liaison in the Air Force counseling office. The liaison tells me that my processing has been put in a "holding pattern" because of some information in my medical documentation--the same documentation that was reviewed by the CMO a week earlier and cleared for processing today--and that I was never supposed to floor (show for processing) today. I asked why they approved me process in the first place, and they didn't have an answer. (They were DQ'ing me during my marathon wait for the CMO.) They said their lawyers would probably be reviewing my file in addition to physicians. At this point, two E-7s, a major, and a colonial were handling my case--this effectively shut down the Air Force counseling office for about 30 minutes. Meanwhile, I was watching Malcolm in the Middle with some kid continuously kicking the back of my chair. The liaison eventually called me back into the office and told me to check out and contact my recruiter for further instructions while command reviews my case.

Enjoy your visit to the MEPS!

Posts: 41 | Registered: Wed 23 April 2008

K9Jake

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