Hi... I've been around for a while but haven't posted much in the last few months, so to catch anyone up:

My boyfriend is in phase 3 of SUPT at Laughlin in Texas, training on T-1s (tankers/cargo). He graduates in November, and then hopefully will get assigned C-17s. I live in Ohio and we've been together for 5 1/2 years.

I just graduated college in May with a degree in journalism. I have a great resume with two internships, one at a huge newspaper. My boyfriend really wants to keep me in the dark about when he's proposing because he's a romantic like that, but he has told me that he's been looking at rings and I'm thinking it will come around Christmas (of course, I thought that last Christmas, but no matter, haha).

My problem is that if we get married in like a year and a half, I'm not sure what this means for me career-wize. I'm not comfortable living with him before we get married, so moving to Del Rio isn't an option (he lives on base anyway). Is getting a job for a year when you know you will be leave considered dishonest? Have any of you done this or had similar experiences?

I'd like to work in the online dept. of a newspaper or magazine. I haven't had any interviews yet but earlier today my parents suggested I get a non-journalism job where I live now in Ohio because I shouldn't spend money to move for a job that I'm only going to leave some months later. That really upset me because I spent 4 years getting a degree, and since I'm not engaged, should I really plan around an event that technically isn't happening yet? I'm torn... I need a job but I want to do what will make our marriage and transition to that life as easy as possible. Any suggestions?

Hi there! It sounds like you're really struggling with this and I'm sorry that you're going through this. Unfortunately, quick changes and being uprooted is part of military life. Out of the millions of military spouses you would only find a small percentage that have been able to keep their jobs with the same company or easily transition into a new one upon a duty transfer.

For example, I have over 15 years of experience in Administration and Management (including Retail and Office Management), as well as over 10 in retail alone. I ran a company where a woman owned a cleaning business and I was her only employee and literally ran the company singlehandedly. Despite my experience I have not been able to find a decent job in the general office/administration field at all while being a military spouse. I've had to suck it up and take part time retail floor positions because that's all I could literally get. These are things a lot of us come to expect and deal with accordingly.

If you're having this much trouble deciding what to do with your career status while waiting to be married to a military man (because of the transitions you'll be required to make) I wonder if you can fully appreciate the military lifestyle and deal with what it throws your way. This life isn't for everyone. There are a lot of sacrifices you must make and a lot of it is GIVE on your part and TAKING from the other. It's not easy being married to someone in the military (although that's not the spouse's fault!)

If I were you, I'd take time to sit down and talk to your fiance about the troubles you're having with making this career decision. Explain why you're anxious and what you're afraid of. This will help both of you realize if choosing to be a military spouse is doable for both of you. I think you need the support and need to have him fully understand your position so that he can appreciate it. I can understand his wanting to keep the date a "secret" for obvious reasons, but if knowing that piece of information would relieve a lot of this weight on your mind, perhaps he'd be willing to compromise and narrow it down to a specific year or season. I think you need to really sit down and talk about this. Just take the time to answer this question for yourself---If the issue of deciding what to do with your career/job while still engaged is causing you so much distress and turmoil, how are you going to handle being a military spouse where it's common to abide by the "hurry up and wait" standard, last minute changes/notices, being uprooted for duty transfers every couple of years and whatever else is thrown your way? Answer yourself honestly and have a good talk with your fiance about this. You may have to just take a job that isn't your "dream" just to make ends meet until you are married and can then move on to your real career path. At least you'd remain employed and will still be able to take care of yourself in the meantime. Only you can determine what is best for YOU, but you need to talk to your fiance about what is best for the BOTH of you. I wish you peace and luck and hope you find the answers you are looking for.

Personally, if you can handle the separation now before you are married, I feel you should take advantage of this time now to work in the field you studied.

While you 100% plan on getting married and moving in a year and a half, you never know, and it is not dishonest to get a job now.

Don't waste what you worked so hard for. You will have many many years of compromising before you may get the chance again. This year and a half of working in your field may be good for your resume anyway and help sustain you through transition times when you need to move somewhere where the jobs are scarce and you will be competing with people with journalism experience. Better to have 18 mos of career field experience than 18 mos of working as an administrative assistant if you want to try to stay in journalism.

Now, if your goal is to have a job wherever your future husband's career takes you, then it does not matter as much what you do right now. But you need to consider how you feel about your career - is it working or working in what you studied that matters? Speaking from experience, even 10 years after graduation, it is frustrating to not work in the field one studied in college. In the first few years, it frustrated me to tears sometimes. These 18 mos might be your only chance for a while to work in journalism and I would aggressively pursue it. The years to follow, like I said, could possibly be filled with compromise and assignments to places where pursuing your journalism career is difficult.

Good luck.

What about freelance journalism? You don't have to work at a specific paper or magazine. You could end up syndicated in several after all!


Sgt Mom

Can I just first say that I love coming here? Because I do.

Freelancing is what I will probably end up doing after we get married, because the beauty of that is you can do it anywhere - the fact that our career goals meshed like that made it a really easy decision to stay together once he told me he wanted to sign up for the Air Force. (ok, that's a total lie, it wasn't easy but it meant less sacrifice than if I wanted to be an accountant or something)

I'm leaning toward somewhere in the middle - apply for all communication-related jobs where I live now (public relations, etc.) and apply for jobs out of state only if they are something I'm really crazy about.

Last night the BF hinted about me coming with him to his next base (probably in January) so we can plan our wedding together, which only complicates things more. Do you ever wish they would just give you a straight answer and stick with it?!?!

I hear ya girl! Unfortunately that's how a lot of things are when you're in the military (or married to someone who is). At least he's starting to open up and give you some hints. That would mean to me that he's thinking more about it and is getting closer to the actual "move"!! In any event, good luck with the road you travel on. I'm glad you're having good luck here. When I started out here things were quickly misinterpreted and got so bad that a thread was removed---all because someone flipped their lid because they misunderstood. I'm glad your experience has been better and I hope you always find the support you need here.