What is your opinion on military spouses working vs. staying at home? I have many friends who criticize me for working and for not being at home throughout the day. With our paychecks combined, we made very good money and enjoy the way we are able to live because of it.

My man is very supportive of me working but I'm wondering if I'm doing a sort of disservice to him by not staying at home. It definitely helps having two incomes but I'm looked "down upon" in the group for not having my husbands life be my whole life.

Don't get me wrong, I am very happy to be a Military Spouse, but that's not all I am.

Am I totally off base here and are my feelings maybe a sign of something more?

This is something that is between you and your spouse. It is none of anyone else’s business. But, just in my opinion, go for it!

During my military career my wife did not work – that was her option. My daughter has been an active duty coasty for 26 years, during that time her husband was the main care giver for their two daughters; however he has worked at every opportunity. They never put their kids in daycare or used babysitters.

Again, it is really between you and your husband.

Let us know what you decide; it may help others who have the same question.

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quote:

Originally posted by LoveMyNavySeabee:
What is your opinion on military spouses working vs. staying at home? I have many friends who criticize me for working and for not being at home throughout the day. With our paychecks combined, we made very good money and enjoy the way we are able to live because of it.

My man is very supportive of me working but I'm wondering if I'm doing a sort of disservice to him by not staying at home. It definitely helps having two incomes but I'm looked "down upon" in the group for not having my husbands life be my whole life.

Don't get me wrong, I am very happy to be a Military Spouse, but that's not all I am.

Am I totally off base here and are my feelings maybe a sign of something more?

If they criticize you maybe it is because they are jealous, they want to be the ones that work as well. There is nothing wrong with both of you working at all. If you choose to do so then good for you. The fact that you are looking at financial stability is great because unfortunately not everyone looks at that and sometimes it needs to happen. If you stay at home what would you do? Eat bon bons and watch TV?

so i learned along time ago that i needed my own identity-and my own career. This is a very personal issue and while i did stay at home when my children were very small i have worked most of our marriage-and just an observation but most of the military spouses i know who are very secure in their marriages-and thus the happiest-have jobs outside the home-partly because knowning you can make a life for yourself and your children if need be-makes you a more secure person overall;
I dont think there is a thing wrong with what you are doing or how you feel

Thank you!!

I worked by butt off through college to have a good job so I will continue to work. I just needed to hear that I'm not being unsupportive by doing that.

We don't have children yet but we're hoping to save enough for when we do, I can stay home for the first few years and then go back to work.

Call my crazy, but I enjoy working. My friends just don't seem to understand that. They often want to get together during the weekdays, which I obviously can't do. They've started leaving me out of weekend activities because I "choose" to not participate in weekday activities. Driving me crazy!! I would just say forget it but we're so tight when our husbands/boyfriends are deployed...and we have another one coming up in 3 months.

Anywhoo...thank you all so much!!

I agree, your working is a personal decision that you need only share with your spouse. I am a workaholic; my DH knows this. He knows that I have my own career ambitions and supports me completely. Granted, since he is Active Duty right now, my career is taking a temporary backseat to his, and our situation was a conscious decision we made over a long 4 year process.

I also gave birth to our first child 2.5 years ago and tried the "stay at home mom" deal for 9 months... and I was completely miserable. On the other hand, one of best friends had her first child and relishes the stay-at-home-mom role. My point is, everyone is different and defines their self-worth and happiness differently. Neither option is wrong, its just how it "fits" a person.

I agree with Navywifeinparadise; there is probably some jealousy issues involved. Sometimes its not easy with all the moving around to stay gainfully and happily employed; I have been fortunate in getting a job everywhere we've been stationed. This sometimes leaves me out of the loop on spouse activities, so my pool of friends is at my workplace. And I've been lucky to have met some really great people that I still stay in contact with even when on the other side of the world.

When I got out of the Navy I did the SAHM thing for 5 years.....now going to school full time again towards a degree in Engineering. It depends entirely on your family situation. While i was HIGHLY employable when I was discharged (and bored, in many ways) I felt for the last few years the kids needed me more than I needed a job, and having 4 hids in 5 years and moving 3 times in the same time period wasn't really condusive to a career or formal school (did classes on line).

Now that we're in one place for a few years, and done having kids for a while, I have aquired new goals and aspiritions and am working towards them.

Healthy relationships and families aren't an either/or thing. Relationships can be weak or strong where both members work full time or where one stays home full time. What's important is what works for your family, your time in life, your relationship, etc.

If you and your husband are happy with it - who cares what anyone else says??!! It is a decision between the two of you and that is all that matters.


Sgt Mom

I myself worked from the time I started having kids until about 5 years ago. Kids in daycare/after school activities, etc while I was working. I've been primarily a single mother since I was 20--was married once before, but that was like having a grown child.
Since I've been married again, I had the choice to work or not, so I took a vacation. Not only did I need one, my kids have issues that required my deep attention so working was not an option at that point.
I loved working! My main reason for working was so that I could get out of the house and have adult company--not just baby/toddler babblings...lol...
Now that the kids are a bit more stable, I can't work. Not just yet. And it drives me nuts, stresses me out. I need to work, get out of the house and DO something. I was not made to be a recluse, I'm just too social for that.

Work if you want, don't if you don't want to. Like others said--who cares if your friends have issues with that?? That's their issue, not yours.

You can look at this both ways and weigh the pro/cons of each. If you are happy working then don't feel as though it's a disservice. You are absolutely right you're not just a military spouse. You have goals and dreams that want to be achieved just as your husband does. Don't depend on a man for support!

In my opinion I am happy that I work and bring in more income to the family so that my husband and I can save more for retirement and I can pay off school loans.

Two each is own and the decision is enitrely up to you but I applaud the working woman especially those who are a military spouse! It's difficult transitioning every few years and trying to find a job!

Best of luck to you.

This is a personal decision that nobody can really give you solid advice on. Try them both and see what happens. I have been a SAHM for 8 years. 4 years ago I found a hobby that turned into a job. Now I work from home and I'm a SAHM.
It's hard, but the pay is rewarding, especially since I make more than my husband LOL. I still haven't found the balance 4 years later. It works for our family though and that's what matters! I feel like I have the best of both worlds and I love every part of it.