hello. I have a question and appreciate anyone's help answering. I married my boyfriend of 6 years, 5 years ago. Shortly after we married, I found him cheating on me, with men, and women. Experimenting or not, that's still cheating. I left, and he even had a child with the girl he cheated on me with. He has been collecting BAH and will not divorce me, I've signed the divorce papers 2 times. And given him our marriage license for his ability to collect BAH- under the assumption I'd have health and when he got the money he would pay for the divorce. It's been 4 months since he went back to Active duty, and I looked at the Paychart, he's getting over 2000 in Basic Pay, and 1052 for BAH, I'm still not insured, and havent bothered him in 5 years, I'm getting sick of him not divorcing me, am I entitled to any BAH or any of the Back Pay? When I first left I was getting 530, a month. And then he went National Guard, now he's Active again. Even though he has a kid now, am I, legally his wife, entitled to anything?

You're still married...his responsibility is to have you enrolled in DEERS until the divorce is finalized, he's responsible for supporting his spouse to a degree. How much is really determined by the member--the $530 is essentially half the BAH, a reasonable amount....until the divorce is finalized.

Do yourself a favor--YOU file the papers. Yeah, it's gonna cost you a filing fee, but it'll get done and over with. Essentially by staying married to you and shacking up with whomever--he's defrauding the government, which is an offense.

Thank you for your reply. I have filed for divorce, and approached him and his girlfriend*s* yes 2 seperate occasions, he will NOT divorce me. He says he will, but everytime I tried to meet him to sign the papers, he bailed, now he's in Georgia, and I'm heading to Texas, I'm in NY right now. I called a local court, they said we both have to be present..which I dont think is true. I havent put as much time in it as I should, I havent really cared much, until I started talking to people and they said he's banking off of me, and I see all his different girlfriends and new tattoo's and whatnot, while I'm struggling to pay rent/car insurance. I dont even want the money really, I want the divorce so he can not collect money off of me. Also, so I can move on.

You do not both have to be present. File for divorce with a reason a desertion. Once it is finalized, mail a copy to him and, I rarely say this but this is definitely fraud, to his command. You may get court ordered child support out of it and get your child covered under medical.

I do have to admit that there is a bit of fraud on your part too if you are staying married for the sole purpose of obtaining medical benefits and a portion of his BAH. Your child gets medical benefits regardless of the marital status.

The problem you are going to have now is that I believe there is a one year waiting period in Texas. One of the mothers on here is working with her son to get an annullment and they are being told there is a waiting period since he just moved to Texas.

I think she said he has a child with another woman not with her,so divorce or not he will continue to qualify for bah.

yeah...not her kid, his---as the result of cheating.


Anyhoo---file it in TX when you get there. You do not have to file in the state that you got married in and all that. Totally go for the abandonment angle on that---because that's what it is. Both parties not be present either as mentioned.
In TX (and in most states), you can make a reasonable effort to reach the other party--and if after the specified amount of time the other party does NOT respond or send papers back to the court--it's an automatic default in favor of the plaintiff and all that's asked for in the divorce papers is granted to that plaintiff.
So get 'er done...doesn't cost that much to file in TX either. Maybe a couple hundred at most.

Enjoy TEXAS!! Love that state....

you need to file papers now.

but you are kinda screwing yourself, because you have committed fraud just as he has done, and if you wish to bring that up to the table he can play the same hand to you (ie taking it to his command he can play the same hand and have you brought up on charges if he went about it the right way). and the fact you know about the fraud and have allowed it and you want compensation now 5 years on will raise ALOT of eyebrows.

I would suggest just file your papers and sit tight on the divorce and don't expect any back pay or portion of his BAH, hes spent 5 years not giving you anything I don't see it happening now. just get the divorce to be shot of him.

hope it gets sorted sooner rather then later for your sake. best of luck.. and if you can't afford legal representation if you need it, look for someone who will claim costs from the otherside, helped a couple friends who have had messy divorces and havent had the funds themseleves to see it through

I misread the part about kids. I thought OP was saying she had a kid with him also. But, no kids and no contact or support for five years means file for abandonment and then walk away. No child support, no back BAH, no ongoing health benefits and no alimony. Just a new start that you should have taken care of several years ago.

Not sure about the abandonment, the OP states that she was the one that left. And she has been in contact with him, she says she has approached him about a divorce.

If you wait until you get to Texas to file for divorce, you are going to have to wait for six months as Texas has a six month residency requirement for filing for divorce. Then, there is an additional minimum 60 days after the filing until the divorce can be finalized.

You'd be hard-pressed to find a judge that would side with him on the abandonment from her...was cheating/experimenting and she left, for most judges-that's justified.
I'm a little confused on the timeline in this-was husband Reserve when met&married, then 4 months ago he went AD?
OP did not knowingly commit fraud for the BAH. She signed the divorce papers TWO times, under the impression-and promise--that he would handle it all, and he has not. Divorces, depending on the state, can take a long time, and when your spouse is supposed to be the one handling it and you're broke--I don't think a judge would nail her for that either--if he/she's got any kind of common sense.

OP..still go with the filing of the papers yourself. You can do the DIY-divorce and have it handled in no time at all really. Check the state requirements and proceed...if you gotta be there for 6 months before filing--get the paperwork done and on the 6-month date, send them out for signature and file with the court. There's an expiration date on waiting for the other party to respond. By then you'll have a court date all set up....I think mine expired like a week before my court date.....I kissed my judge and danced all the way to my car.

Even if I can prove I've asked for a divorce, have not recieved BAH except for 4 months right after I left. Would I still get in trouble by the law? I mean, it's not like I asked to stay married for the BAH, and I'm not even getting medical. That's why I'm getting ****ed he wont file. I've signed the papers, and have asked him to sign, along with him filing 2 times me signing both times, and him not turning them back in...I mean..I really dont think I've committed Fraud. We've been married 5 years, only one of which he's had a child, 4 years of him recieving over 1000. of money for being married to me and refusing a divorce. I thought at the very least I'd be granted a divorce for him cheating, right? Especially Military, he cheated with a man.!!! and several women

I'm not sure I understand the whole thing.
He went AD 4 months ago?
I don't know his rank but if he's living off post and has a son then is not really fraud to collect BAH with dep. divorce or not.

The best you can do is get a lawyer file for divorce and move on,forget about him.

quote:

Originally posted by jump60:
4 years of him recieving over 1000. of money for being married to me and refusing a divorce. I thought at the very least I'd be granted a divorce for him cheating, right?

If he hasn't been active duty for those four years, then he hasn't been receiving BAH.

And you don't need a reason for the divorce, Texas is a no-fault state. Or if you want a "fault" divorce, go for the living apart reason (which is a valid "fault" reason for a Texas divorce).

We married in 05, he was active duty til 07, National Guard full time and elegible for BAH in NYC doing homeland security, until 2008 or 2009 I'm not sure the date, I'm thinking it's 2009, but either way, his daughter is only a year old, so that means he made BAH for about 2-3 years, which is fraud I guess. I would rather have a divorce and not BAH, but if he doesnt want to cooperate, I want the BAH until the Divorce is final. That's not fraud, it's what I'm entitled to, as far as I'm understanding from JAG

If he has been getting BAH w/dependents since you got married that means you are entered into DEERS so therefore are enrolled in Tricare Standard. So you have had insurance this whole time that he was AD.

For BAH he might not responsible for giving you the full amount, if he wasn't allowed to live in barracks because he was married but you werent there then he needed the BAH to pay for rent. He is only obligated I believe to send 1/3 of it or the BAH-diff. Which is the difference between BAH w/o dependents and BAH w/dependents.

quote:

Originally posted by jump60:
We married in 05, he was active duty til 07, National Guard full time and elegible for BAH in NYC doing homeland security, until 2008 or 2009 I'm not sure the date, I'm thinking it's 2009, but either way, his daughter is only a year old, so that means he made BAH for about 2-3 years, which is fraud I guess. I would rather have a divorce and not BAH, but if he doesnt want to cooperate, I want the BAH until the Divorce is final. That's not fraud, it's what I'm entitled to, as far as I'm understanding from JAG

NG/USAR Soldiers can qualify for BAH whether they are married or not.

You're going to have a tough time getting money as NG Soldiers are not subject to the UCMJ unless under Title 10 orders.

As others have suggested, go to court.