RE: http://www.military.com/opinion/0,15202,188367,00.html

It's very tough on the children when you have to move every few years. My son suffered extremely from this as a child with Aspergers syndrome. It seems as if his whole life fell apart when we were no longer on an Army base and he left his friends. My kids were the major factor in me separating from the Army.

It really depends on the child. With yours having Aspergers syndrome, the moves did not help. However, moving is not just a military thing. I am 55 and have moved 50+ times in my life (I lost count around 52 or 53). Pretty much I have averaged one move a year. This wasn't traumatic for me, it was just something that happened. Many times I actually looked forward to the moves because it meant getting to see new places and make new friends.

On the other hand, my two younger children throw a fit every time we move. They have both made eight moves in their lives and are 18 and 20. My daughter tells me everytime that we move that I am ruining her life but then, after we have been at the new place for a few months, she usually admits that she likes the new place.

Every child is different when it comes to moves. Some thrive on going new places and making new friends while others get very depressed.

BTW, I have been out of the military for almost 30 years so many of my 50+ moves have occurred outside the military. These included moving for new jobs and job transfers. It is quite possible to get moved around a lot in a civilian environment too.

I agree that the Aspergers throws another dimension to the situation.

I moved around as a kid. My dad was Federal Law Enforcement. I enjoyed it and had fun going to new places and meeting new people. My brother did fine with the moves, but did not look forward to them the way I did.

Our kids were fine with moving in the military. Our daughter had to move between sophomore and junior years of high school and that one was a little rough for her, but she came through.

How our kids handled the moves was in no way a consideration for my husband to get out before retirement. He did over 24 years and our daughter misses the military life so much she wants to join herself.



Sgt Mom

Aspreger's isn't the only factor here guys. PCS moves do affect kids. I'm not saying it's detrimental, but there is some impact when they have to leave a comfortable environment. I moved around a lot as a kid too, so I was used to it. I did not have the luxury of being home with my children as a mother SGT Mom. Both my husband and I were active duty. He is a retired SGM. My decision to get out at the halfway mark was done for my family. I miss the military alot but it was truly best for my kids. Now they finally have a place they can call home.

Then you did what was best for your family, just as we did.

No one can have a "perfect" life. There are challenges along the way. We all have to learn to deal with those challenges.

As stated before, moving around will affect each child differently. As a parent you need to learn what helps them cope with it best. As long as you do that, there is nothing else that can be done.

Just because one child has a difficult time with moves does not mean every child will.



Mom

Never moved as a child, been married 13 years and the longest we have stayed in a location is 4 1/2 years, it doesn't really bother me to move, I look at it has a chance of a lifetime go a place we haven't been before. Our ds is going into Grade 5, he hasn't completed 2 years at the same school, usually part way through the 2nd year we move. Which we are getting ready to do this summer. He actually doesn't mind and either does our dd. They both look at it differently, they both hate leaving friends behind but they both know it is part of growing up. We do have other friends who have moved just as much that are civilian so it isn't just military kids.

quote:

Originally posted by armyqt:
Aspreger's isn't the only factor here guys. PCS moves do affect kids. I'm not saying it's detrimental, but there is some impact when they have to leave a comfortable environment. I moved around a lot as a kid too, so I was used to it. I did not have the luxury of being home with my children as a mother SGT Mom. Both my husband and I were active duty. He is a retired SGM. My decision to get out at the halfway mark was done for my family. I miss the military alot but it was truly best for my kids. Now they finally have a place they can call home.

So what is your beef here? Are you upset you had to leave the military? Are you upset your son has Asperger's?

Everyone knows moves affect everyone - not just the kids. I honestly don't get the point of this thread.

And - it may not have been a luxury for any mom to stay at home, but a necessity. I doubt any stay at home mom sits on their duff eating bon bons all day. (which is how your comment to Sgt Mom comes off to me at least)

So, if you are happy that you are not moving and staying in one place, I ask again - what's the point of this post???? Were you looking for sympathy???

Corpsmom---chillax. There's no "point", it's a commentary on the article that was written.
I realize you're new here, but you really need to watch your tone with others on here.


This thread actually belongs in another forum, but that's neither here nor there.

BAW - the link at the bottom of the story to "Join the Discussion" brings it here. So, that's why it ended up here particularly.

Folks, play nice, I'm still getting over pneumonia and in no mood here to deal with drama.

This was a good article to read. We will be making our first move as a military family later this summer, and we have no idea yet where we'll be going. I keep telling my daughter that we're going to move, anyway, to get her ready for it and to help her get used to the knowledge that she won't be in her same school or be around her friends after this summer. We talk about it as if it's the best, most exciting thing in the world to keep her from being upset, and I hope it's going to work once we actually do move away.
I am definitely nervous to see how she's going to do. She's 6 and VERY outgoing, but she's also super close to both sides of our families, who all live within 2 hours of us here, so I am nervous about how she's going to do without being able to see her family so much.

I'm going to step over the mud slinging here and relate our experience. They have been positive.

First, keep in mind that for 15 years, I have acted as an advocate for my son through school districts and the county mental health system. In addition, I have honed my skills by having had the unfortunate need at one point by having to hire an attorney to sue a local school district that repeatedly denied us services. Setting up his current program took years. Needless to say, when it came to the Army, I knew his case would have to be presented truthfully and in a way that was organized and communicated clearly. My recommendation? Documentation. Copies of IEP's, County Mental Health Service Plans, Psychiatrist, psychologist, and physicians reports will help your case.

We were able to stay in our present location due to our son's Asperger's and medical problems.

First, we had to enroll in the local EFMP via the closest Army base (4 hours away) and provide all the documentation on the services he is receiving through both the school district and the state (mental health services). This documentation included assessments and recommendations from his doctors as well. Once we were accepted, we went to the next stage.

Then we had to go over and talk to the EFMP dept. at the base where hubby is posted (3000 miles away). They had to look up and see whether or not equal services could be secured for my son. They found none could be put in place easily --if at all. So they wrote a letter to the Pentagon, stating their belief that he was better off remaining in his present location.

This went through the command at the Pentagon, and they agreed. My husbands order's were changed that moved him, but ordered that we remain in our present location in account of our son's needs. What this did was to adjust the BAH in order to meet our expenses. We also have Tricare Prime Remote insurance.

All of this was a long process that required multiple visits, phone calls, and papers to many different offices.

Yes, it is difficult being separated by distance, but quite frankly hubby works so much that ...well...nothing would be perfect anyway. But my son has his familiar routine, he has his educational plan (he's actually set to graduate sometime this year! Also, we maintain access to his mental health professionals (therapy and the child-adolescent psychiatrist), as well his vocational programs. The goal for him is to have him someday be a participating, educated, working member of society. Though he isn't easy, it would be much harder if we had to drop all our services and move at this juncture in his life. We do anticipate joining hubby as soon as it is possible. But there are many pieces that have to be in place first.

I hope this helps.

But it can be done.

Thanks for telling your story easywriter. I have two children with IEPS. I think the younger one will phase out of needing one in the next few years (except for the gifted ed part), but the older one may need it for a long time. Once the IEPS for the coming year get written, I am going to wherever I need to go on base to sign them up into the EFMP program. I am awaiting results of the district psychologist eval of the older one to see if there is a diagnosis that is going to be assigned.

My biggest concern is getting a consensus and getting the services in place so I have something concrete to show what we need when we move. I am hoping that would mean we would not have to start at square one again with the IEPs at a new location (and you know it can take over a school year to get everything sorted out).

MMT, The local school districts can take in account of the current IEP, however, they will more than likely do their own assessments as well. Furthermore, if you're currently receiving county mental health services, while recommendations may be made these too will have to be started anew in your new location. Hopefully there would be a way to streamline the process in your new location. However, in the surrounding area of the new post hubby got assigned to, the local EMFP found they didn't even have a child-adolescent psychiatrist available. Hence, their recommendation that we stay put.

Had our son been very young, we would have moved. But he was in a special day class at a high school that we had searched for for years (in fact he was passed between 4 different special ed depts at varying schools). In addition, he is at an age where vocational education training through the state kicks in (18). So for us to move to a location where none of these were in place would have been impossible.

Each case is different, but with teens you really don't have time to waste. The worst case scenario is that without any services he would have lost motivation and dropped out of school.

Anyway, good luck! The process (no matter what you do) does take months. And I really think this is what makes a lot of parents (non military and military alike) give up sometimes.

This message has been edited. Last edited by: EasyWriter,

Thanks. My oldest is in 4th grade right now so we are still at a time where there are a lot of services and help within the mainstream elem school.

I will find out next week what the school psych recommends - we're putting together a behavior intervention plan but I am hoping he also can give me some answers to a question I have been seeking answers for for over 6 yrs now.

If they're writing a BIP, then do ask to see what other county behavioral health services might be available to you. 1:1 therapy, group therapy, family counseling and even psychiatry can be brought in through these services. Some families --if the need is great, can even get in-home services if the child is disabled.

And also, don't rule out the local support groups that might be in your area as well. They can often be of great support when it comes to IEP's and other services.

Oh... and you don't need to go on base to sign up for EMFP. In my case, they are 4 hours away! I spoke to them at length on the phone and we faxed or emailed* stuff back and forth. They can send you the forms and you can fill them out and provide documentation. Also, write a one-page letter detailing the specifics of your child's condition, any diagnosis, medication needs, and all services he or she is currently receiving. Make sure it is limited to ONE PAGE and is short and direct.

Once you have the IEP, do make copies of them to give out.
*If you don't have a fax, or a scanner to turn documents into .pdf's then get one. They can help a lot.

This message has been edited. Last edited by: EasyWriter,

mmt -hope your BIP meeting had some kind of positive outcome. I just touched base on FACEBOOK with a mom who has an autistic son and is going through the same struggles. She's on board with the MSRRA (Military Spouses Residency Relief Act), and asked about starting a Facebook page for military families dealing with autism.

This message has been edited. Last edited by: EasyWriter,

Thanks easywriter.

Well we added a 2nd exceptionality. I was thinking it might be Asperger's but I was wrong. It is anxiety - if that gives you any idea how bad the anxiety is that it looks like an ASD. We are going to get out-of-school mental health services during the summer, but because its a 35 min drive into town to see a psych, we are going to use the school LCSW during the year.

I have no clue how this will impact our orders. We're due to move in about a year. There are two overseas bases we can go to and one definitely has mental health services but I don't know if they will take incoming dependents who already have a demonstrated need. The other one is, I believe, medium-sized and I am not sure if they would take us- haven't done much research on them.

Thanks again for your information.

I am still trying to figure out where our EFMP office is. I think its in the MTF. I found some forms online but I want to talk to someone in the program before I have the school official fill them out.

mmt --Sorry to take so long to get back to you. I've been busy with pre-deployment stuff.

Anxiety goes hand in hand with many cases of high functioning autism. Do NOT let them substitute anxiety disorder for autism on the IEP! Autism is listed in the Special Education Code guidelines and allows them to receive services not only through the schools but also through the county and regional center.

You should write a letter to: 1. Principal, 2. School Psychologist, 3. District head of Special Ed, and 4. the teacher stating that:
"I am requesting a referral to regional services and county mental health services."
Get this set up now because you can use them. Also, if you do get the services, it helps EFMP understand what you need and how they can help you.

The military will send your spouse where they need him. Your son's needs won't really factor into the picture. But as I've indicated before, you can move or not. Not moving takes a tremendous amount of work, however, so does setting all this stuff up and trying to regain a "sense" of continuity.

quote:

Originally posted by easywriter:
mmt --Sorry to take so long to get back to you. I've been busy with pre-deployment stuff.

Anxiety goes hand in hand with many cases of high functioning autism. Do NOT let them substitute anxiety disorder for autism on the IEP! Autism is listed in the Special Education Code guidelines and allows them to receive services not only through the schools but also through the county and regional center.

You should write a letter to: 1. Principal, 2. School Psychologist, 3. District head of Special Ed, and 4. the teacher stating that:
"I am requesting a referral to regional services and county mental health services."
Get this set up now because you can use them. Also, if you do get the services, it helps EFMP understand what you need and how they can help you.

The military will send your spouse where they need him. Your son's needs won't really factor into the picture. But as I've indicated before, you can move or not. Not moving takes a tremendous amount of work, however, so does setting all this stuff up and trying to regain a "sense" of continuity.

Thanks - I am hoping over the summer we can get an official clinical diagnosis from a private psychologist. If not, I will follow your advice when school resumes this fall.

About the moving - guys my husband has worked with have had their orders cancelled because their wife was taking antidepressants. Which is why I am thinking it might be possible for them to consider us - if they won't send a guy to Okie because his civilian wife is on Prozac, there is some hope for us, is how I look at it.

He's looking at another special duty assignment that I would really like him to apply for. Its CONUS, and the school district (clark county, NV) is large enough that there will be services - there is even a charter school for kids with autism (though my child seems ok as long as he is getting his gifted pullouts to be with kids that are like him). I am trying to gently encourage him to go ahead and talk to his career guy at Langley and put in for it. The other assignment he wants would have him away from home over 10 mos a year, every year, for at least the first 3 yrs, and it does not get much better after that, and the school districts are iffy. I'd consider staying here if he put in for that assignment and got it. He would not be home anyway for the first 3 yrs except to drop off laundry.

I will see what happens over the summer. My other child's IEP annual review is in September so I am going to see if I can get a dx for the older one this summer, make any necessary IEP mods, and then sign them both into EFMP this fall.

Hi!
Okay, we've gotten private diagnoses from both private clinical psychologists, as well as from a university program. The intake process was (and should be) exhaustive. It will entail several pages of questions covering everything from your family mental health background to your husband's. They also interview the child, and watch him in action on various tasks.

Where you might run into problems is that many private psychologists and university clinics are not direct bill providers. So you pay ($3,000k give or take) for the full evaluation, and it's up to you to either get reimbursement or eat it.

The other tactic you can take is call over to your local mental health agency. Ask them if you need a referral: if you don't, make an appointment. A couple things might happen.

1. they'll send out an LCSW to do the intake in your house. Have school records copied and ready to give.

or 2. They'll give you an appointment with the LCSW or Clinical psychologist and start the intake right there.

As far as moving --10 mos out of the year would be extremely stressful for all of you. Even with county mental health services.

But don't forget. If you're enrolled in EFMP right now, you can contact them for respite care! Someone will come to your house, watch your child, so that you can go out!

Good luck, and do keep in touch.