RE: http://www.military.com/opinion/0,15202,149876,00.html

I have a boyfriend that I met 4 months before he deployed to Afghanistan, we are still together, even though he did break it off before he went to Officer training. He is in Georgia right now while I live in Vegas. Its really tough, communication isn't as good as before he broke it off...I'm trying to figure it out why...we are in it for the long haul, but will only see each other probably 4-5 times before he leaves for Korea in March. I think the article says what everybody else thinks about long distance relationships, but its alot harder than the article states....

The article hits on some good points but becasue it's supossed to be talking about military relationships I think it should have had more of the emotional points os deployments as well as when your apart while your military member is stateside.

I am always a bit weary when someone who doesn't seem to have any direct link to the military hands out advice to those who do...Sure, you don't have to be a chicken to know where eggs come from, but still...anyway, the article states the obvious and has not really a lot of new information or tips, so I am a tad disappointed, since all this can be heard and read on any given deployment article/forum. I guess I expect more of an "here's what worked for me, tell me what worked for you" approach, but that could be my hightened expectations after such great columnists like Sarah Smiley or Anita Doberman (I sure hope I spelled that right lol). I sure will read into this more in the future, to see where this leads

As for separation within the US, any separation, for whatever reason is tough, but I usually tend to look at it from the point of view that it could be worse and will be worse than that, and that at least he's only a phone call away. I hope your separation is soon over though, and you can physically be with your loved one again.

For the first poster: I don't quite understand, how are you still together even though he broke it off and why does it surprise you that he communicates less with you since he broke it off? My first thought would be that either you're in denial about the break-up or he is not sure what he wants (keep you around at home but have fun in the meantime?). You might want to sort out your relationship once and for all before you invest time, money, and many many emotions. Whichever the outcome, I hope it will end good for you

i concur. because being in the military and living thru deployments is such a unique experience, it is difficult for me to read this article as well. it FEELS like it's coming from an outsider - someone who has no experience with the stressors of being in combat or fearing for a spouse who is experiencing those stressors. i cannot tell you how often i hear my civilian counterparts express their fears and worries over say a 2 week separation. i'm sorry to say, but i was not feeling much obliged to empathize with that while my husband was convoying in iraq almost every other day. i'm sure his anxiety is heightened because i am the one deployed now. i think that either the writer should engage military families much more deeply than surface interviews, or military.com should reach from the inside of our ranks and help their readers that way.

Diana Falzone is trying to make things seem easier,.....better than nothing I imagine.

I dated a WM, ( Woman Marine ) for 2 & 1/2 years when I was a Marine, she followed me overseas for 2 years,and tried to follow me to my stateside duty station when I rotated. She ended up in 29 Palms Ca, me in USMC Det , San Antonio Tx, Lackland AFB.

Short story,....she gave me the ultimatim a few months later,...gave me 2 weeks to seriously consider marrying her,....or she was going to start dating another Marine in 29 Stumps who was interested in her. I told her to go for it,....she married him a few months later. When her marriage was on the rocks about 3 years later, she called me up, wanting to rekindle the relationship. I declined. Point is, separation is very difficult,..all one can do is try to make it work,....what will be , will be. Yep.

Eat ****, Dianna.

This lady needs to talk to my daughter in law. She and my son married in Aug 01. She knew he would deploy for Korea for 18 months. He deployed Feb 02, returned Oct 03.deployed for Iraq Dec 03 , returned June 04. Left for school July 04, returned Oct 04. Deployed for Iraq Mar 05, returned Feb 06. He has been home for two anniversaries in the past 7 years.
She was never associated with the Military until she married my son. Her attitude toward deployments?, they aren't forever.
Ann

I have to say, the ignorance among the people discussing her article is much to my advantage. I speak for military spouses at a local church, if more people would listen to her advice, they might have a real marriage. I was married to my husband before the Marine Corps and a real, stable, strong relationship doesn't need to tell people how "hard" it is... because it's worth it enough to shut up and support him. All i see are the females crying and dying because half their heart is in iraq... my whole heart is in iraq while i'm holding down our whole life, but that's his job, quit whining or get a divorce.

quote:

Originally posted by MrsJent:
I have to say, the ignorance among the people discussing her article is much to my advantage. I speak for military spouses at a local church, if more people would listen to her advice, they might have a real marriage. I was married to my husband before the Marine Corps and a real, stable, strong relationship doesn't need to tell people how "hard" it is... because it's worth it enough to shut up and support him. All i see are the females crying and dying because half their heart is in iraq... my whole heart is in iraq while i'm holding down our whole life, but that's his job, quit whining or get a divorce.

I can't recall whining, nor can I recall complaining about deployments in a way you suggest. I merely stated that sometimes someone who HAS BEEN THERE has a little bit more insight than someone who hasn't. What she states in her article is the obvious.

Nobody needs to hear how hard it is because we all know. What most people I know WANT to hear, however, is how others coped, just to see whether there is anything in the story they can use for themselves to get through tough times.

Telling people they're ignorant because they voice their opinion is harsh and uncalled for. Kudos to you if you found your way, just please don't judge those who haven't.

As for "shut up and support him", we all support our loved ones, but that doesn't mean that we're not entitled to every now and then state that it's not easy. My husband is human enough to KNOW that every now and then I am at wit's end and just hate him being gone, without judging me or thinking lesser of me OR neglecting his job. As a matter of fact, he WANTS to know when I have a low day. Is it selfish for me to let him know? Partly, but partly it also falls under the section "Communicate".

None of us are robots, we all go through emotions, and venting - believe it or not - can help a great deal.

quote:

Originally posted by JimSorber:
EDITED Whoo, she's fine! I'd lay 10 miles of commo wire through a Viet Cong base camp just to hear her EDITED

LOL now that you've been edited I am curious WHAT you'd like to hear from her

Where was this woman during my 1st and 2nd marriage(s)...Ain't gonna be no third!
Sergeant Major

My name is Diana Falzone. Thank you for your responses to my article. I see many of you have concerns that I do not understand the emotional aspect of deployment. Well, here is a bit more background on me. I was raised with many family members who were active in the military. My only sibling Rob attended the United States Military Academy (West Point) and served actively for five years.For most of his service, he was based at Fort Hood in Texas and was in the 1st Cav. He was in Iraq for over a year and half. During that time I saw how his girlfriend, my parents, and myself were effected. It is a highly emotional time that only the family members of the troops can understand. In addition, his three best friends, unlike my brother did not make it home safely. The impact was devasting. Therefore, please keep in mind that when you read my advice, it is not only coming from text books but my heart.

quote:

Originally posted by DianaFal12:
My name is Diana Falzone. Thank you for your responses to my article. I see many of you have concerns that I do not understand the emotional aspect of deployment. Well, here is a bit more background on me. I was raised with many family members who were active in the military. My only sibling Rob attended the United States Military Academy (West Point) and served actively for five years.For most of his service, he was based at Fort Hood in Texas and was in the 1st Cav. He was in Iraq for over a year and half. During that time I saw how his girlfriend, my parents, and myself were effected. It is a highly emotional time that only the family members of the troops can understand. In addition, his three best friends, unlike my brother did not make it home safely. The impact was devasting. Therefore, please keep in mind that when you read my advice, it is not only coming from text books but my heart.

Diana,
Thanks for taking the time to clarify your background. Please be assured that there was no bad intention on questioning your knowledge about the military, I guess some of us (okay, I) just get weary about advice from people who only DO know the text books. Thanks to your brother for his service, may his friends rest in peace.

Welcome to Military.com, as I said before, I will certainly make sure I'll read your future articles

Kind regards
Pet

I think most relationships go in cycles in which they are more fragile at times than others. However, long distance relationships are more fragile all around. I think Diana did a good job of laying down the foundation of a healthy LDR. Unfortunately, most LDR couples don't see how much more extremely important these elements are, and that's why many long distance relationships fail at alarming rates. The next step that needs to be addressed is the high level of communicative competence and self-discilpline, as well as an ability to put off immediate gratification for the greater good of the couple.
Anyway, it would be nice if she wrote an article going into detail about dealing with a partner who's deployed in a combat area, but meanwhile there are creative ways to adapt the general ideas that already exist on the internet and books.
Thanks, Sylvia Shipp
author of The Long Distance Relationship Guidebook
and proud daughter/sister of Army and Navy servicemen.